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Don't you hate it when people try to tell you how to parent?

My DD loves to stand behind me while I'm sitting on the couch no matter what I'm doing and she likes to play with my hair. Well the past day or so she's been pulling my hair and thinking it's funny. I have tried to move her away from me and tell her calmly but firmly that pulling mommies hair is not nice and it hurts and not to do it again. I've tried that multiple times, but she just turns around and does it again. Well just a min ago she yanked my hair so hard!!! I grabbed her hand and smacked it and said No! You do not pull mommies hair. Well she didn't cry or anything she just looked at me. Well my dad who was in the OTHER room comes in there and tells me that I shouldnt be doing that. I was like I have tried everything from telling her calmly to putting her over near her toys and not letting her back up on the couch. It doesn't work. She is 14 months old. She is very intelligent so she has some idea of whats right (contd)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on Sep. 16, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (22)
  • and whats wrong. I understand that it takes a longer for her to know. But when she laughs after me telling her no. I know that she knows what she is doing. Because this happens with other things (running away with something she isnt supposed to have). I know he is trying to help but it bugs the life out of me when he tries to tell me HOW to parent her. When I KNOW my child better than he does. ugh! don't you hate this? anyone relate?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • oh and not to mention...he was holding her as he was telling me all this and she was scratching right where the diaper meets her back and he was liek "see she shouldnt be nervous like this...why would a 1 year old be doing this?" I was like are you kidding me?! She has a rash for gods sake!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I think you are looking for a "yeah I hate that", but in this case I think your dad had a point.

    She is not laughing at you, though it seems that way. She is amused by your reaction. Same reason she pulls your hair - she wants to see what will happen. She doesn't actually understand right from wrong, she is way too young. Keep redirecting her. I know it is frustrating and it won't always work, but it is better than hitting her. The 'naughtiness" is only going to get worse as your toddler get older. Save your "NOs" for when it is really important!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Yep! Especially my friends. My children are very well behaved for other people (at least that's what people tell me) and some of their children are horrible and don't listen to anybody and they try to give my parenting advice? Okay! I don't listen anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Sounds like your dad overreacted. But anon :50 has a point.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Yeah after smacking her hand I realized that this does NOT work with her. So that won't be happening again. Especially since I'm against spanking. Only reason I did that was b/c one: it was her hand and two: some people say it actually works. But yeah no more smacking or anything to taht affect. So just redirecting?? Should I still be saying No?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Yes, I really can't stand that. I hate it even more when people who do NOT have children have something to say. That just boils my blood...
    BriHan06

    Answer by BriHan06 at 8:58 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Toddlers can learn what "no" means much earlier than anyone gives them credit for. Personally, I think it's way past time you started telling her "no"....smacking the hand is not for everyone, that is a personal choice in discipline. However, a tap/smack on the hand is not hurting her, and it's going to give her a clue that "wait...when I do that..this happens, and it hurts" She'll stop.

    My kids knew what "no" meant before a year. We started modified time outs when they could get into things (about 6 months) If kids aren't raised with discipline, it's much harder for them to learn it later and too many people deal with bratty toddlers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I have found that NO loses its meaning if I use it too much. Redirecting sometimes works. Sometimes though I have to take the time to figure out why she is being 'naughty". Like when she was pulling your hair - did she really what you to stop what you were doing and pay attention to her? I am not saying you should have, but maybe that was her way of getting your attention. (LOL it worked!)

    I started time outs at 15 months just for touching the dishwasher (knives!). Once she had the time out concept down I used it for other things. Works OK. My LO is sassy and smart, I find explaining things to her works best. I don't think she always gets it, but maybe the lecture bores her enough that she wants to do something else!! LOL Good Luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Have you tried pulling her hair back? it works for biting kids, why not hair pullers? Show her how it feels!
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 9:25 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

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