Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

For those who have been married a long time, what is the best advice you have to offer? How long have you been married?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Sep. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • We've been married for 17 yrs.

    The advice my grandma gave, that I think holds true is this - "Before you get married, keep both eyes open. After you get married - shut one of them." Now, of course this doesn't apply to things like abuse, affairs, etc. Just that you need to be willing to overlook some little flaws, because they're doing the same for you :-)

    Also, marriage is NOT 50/50. It's 100/100.

    Don't forget while you're busy being parents, running a house, paying bills, and doing all of those things, to be friends (and lovers). Sometimes, the dishes can wait so you can hang out together. It's good to leave the kids with someone and have some time together. Don't forget to take care of your marriage while you're busy taking care of your family and home :-)

    Know that it won't always be easy, but be willing to commit to always being willing to stick it out and work on it together.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:57 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • We have been married five years tomorrow. I don't know if that is all that long, but I have learned a few things in those five years. If I was talking to someone who was contemplating marriage. I would say:
    Premarital counseling is worth it.
    Learn how to fight fair.
    Learn how to communicate - it is a skill after all.
    Don't plan on it being all roses and sunshine or you will be disappointed.
    If a habit or trait really annoys or bothers you now, it will be 10 times worse after you are married.
    Marriage is hard work.
    You and your marriage can survive anything if you are both willing to work at it.
    Forget the word divorce exists - it only hurts and divides.
    Build your marriage on a solid foundation of faith in each other and in God.
    Grow together in faith, in work, and in family.
    And finally, choose your mate wisely!!
    Drewlove

    Answer by Drewlove at 10:00 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I've been married 14 years and I agree, that you need to keep the marriage on the front burners. It needs as much care as your kids and the rest of your life. Take time, make time if need be to be a wife and not just a mother.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 10:00 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • 12 years. There is a 7 year itch, don't scratch it. Having kids is a strain on marriage so go into it knowing that. Kids are great but just add to the responsibility in life. Also marry THE RIGHT GUY! Your gut should help guide you. Too many people marry the wrong guy and half the time they'll admit to it.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:20 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Five years of marriage....laugh....laugh...laugh...laugh when you fight...laugh when you love....laugh when you cry....and at the lowest point...at the point when you want to say "To hell with it!!!!" remember your first kiss remember your wedding day...remember holding hands and blushing...and vowing for better and worse....and then laugh some more!!!!!
    abbyg

    Answer by abbyg at 10:32 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Say what you mean, mean what you say. Don't tell your DH that he can go out with his friends and then come on CM and vent about him going. One reason is that he will not understand why your mad when he comes home. Talk if you can before it becomes a fight. Me and my hubby will point out that the other seems cranky, so you can find out what's wrong. Next don't just do stuff to make him happy and the same for him because there is a trade off when only one person is happy in a relationship.

    Iconoclast

    Answer by Iconoclast at 11:01 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Keep the fun in your relationship and cultivate some common interests and activities.  Hard to do with young children but worth the effort in the long run when they're older.  Also never become predicable, my husband loves the fact that I can still shock the hell out him.   That last bit also applies to the bedroom.


    I've been married 21 years.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 11:08 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • 16 yrs. Love eachother regardless of looks, lack of sex, money. Fight fair. Always forgive eachother. Remember your roles, he's head of household and should be respected as such and you are his partner and he must respect you and listen to your words. Make eachother laugh and never go to bed or leave the house angry. Try to have God in your life.
    proudmomma777

    Answer by proudmomma777 at 11:19 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Understand that Men don't think like us. They are not mind readers and we need to tell them what is going on without beating around the bush. Learn to communicate and don't say things that you can't take back. Be supportive and choose your battles. Remember why you fell in love and realize that in 20 years odds are they will not be the same person you married. Hopefully you two grow together in the same direction. Learn what to stress about and what not to stress about. Try to see the humor in things. Keep in mind that neither of you are perfect. Mistakes will be made, feelings will be hurt, learn from the mistakes so not to make them again and be sure to spend the rest of your life making up for the hurt feelings. Don't forget the basics, please and thank you.
    We will be married ten years in May.
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 11:21 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I've been married 21 years. I'd say, never stop "dating". Even if you have to do it at home after the kids go to bed, dress up, make it special and have a date where you just focus on each other...regularly. It's better if you can get out alone, but if you can't..... Then, marriage is definitely work. It's for better or worse, you can't run out when the worse comes around. A priest once told me on the good days it's easy to love your spouse, on the hard days you have to get up in the morning and make a decision to love your spouse. Be able to forgive even when they don't realize they need to be forgiven, and remember sometimes you'll need him to do that for you. Your marriage should be your number one priority, and believe it or not, that's the best thing you can do for your kids.

    I'm happily married, and still madly in love after 21 years....hope to be for 30 or 40+ more, and hope the same for you!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:24 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN