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In-laws showing favoritism

Tonight is the last straw! My in-laws have favored our oldest daughter (my step-daughter, whom I've been raising as my own since Kindergarden) since she was born. My dd has stayed at their house overnight since she was a baby, they buy her more stuff for christmas and I just found out that they gave her $100 for her birthday when all of our other kids get $20. My youngest is 7 and they say that she's still not old enough to stay and my older boys who are 11 and 9 have only stayed there once. My MIL refers to the kids that my husband and I have together as "my kids". The favoritism is so obvious it's ridiculous. When I found out tonight about the $100 birthday money, I saw red. I could write a book on how many times they've favored our oldest over the other ones. My husband refuses to do anything about it, he thinks ignoring it will make it go away. My kids are hurt by this, What should I do?????

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Asked by MrsHart6 at 12:00 AM on Sep. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • Keep your kids away from her until she gets her act together. She'll get the hint.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I agree

    Answer by mumma28 at 12:14 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • My mom's ex's mom used to favor her daughter's two children over me and her other son's two girls. I was a few months older than her daughter's son. Well, she used to always say I was too old for Christmas but she would buy him $300 in clothing. I would get $40 and a stupid card. Her son's two kids were younger than both her daughter's and she would always get them a dollar store toy and an outfit. It got to the point where her two sons avoided going there because even when the grandson turned 18 and dropped out of high school...she bought him a car.

    Answer by OneToughMami at 12:35 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Give 80 of the hundred back and tell her that until she can treat everyone equally that she won't be seeing ANY of her grandkids and that she can F* off. My grandma favored my brother to the point where she convinced my dad not to let me do an advanced hs program that was at the college because she didn't think it was fair to my brother who wasn't as intellegent and was also younger.

    Right now I could be sitting pretty with both a regular hs diploma and a 2 (maybe 4) year degree. But no because she's a dumb B..... I had to get my GED. And yes I did have to.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 1:27 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I agree with the first PP. WTF is that kind of sh*t? I've had to talk to my MIL SEVERAL times about that. My oldest DD is mine, but SO has raised her since she was about 8 months, so she only knows him. I totally understand loving the little one more, because she is biologically theirs. BUT, they can't just do that sh*t to my oldest, just because she now has a lil half sister. UGH... They've toned it down quite a bit. I know my DD feels left out sometimes, but I'm working on making them stop it. The next step will be to make them return the items they buy for the LO, and not the oldest. Or just throwing it away. It's not fair to anyone's kids for people to treat them like that.

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 3:47 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • My Mil favors my BIL's DD from his 3rd marriage over his 2 boys and our 2 kids. Its to the point that my almost 17 yr old just blew up on her last spring. My DD was studying for finals when MIL and guest showed up at our house. I just told MIL that DD is studying and that comes 1st before anyone and anything else. My DH backed me up. We moved to another state and its just getting worse. MIL actually bought my kids toys for little kids for last Christmas and mine are 15 and almost 17. We donated the toys to Toys for Tots and let the kids pick out some CD's, and games each for themselves.
    I wish my MIL good luck trying to find us when we move. I'm just giving her a P.O. Box for an addy.

    Answer by Wyndi at 5:16 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Well ideally your husband should talk to his mom and let her know that her favoritism is NOT acceptable- that if she does for one she should do for all. I would let her know that her favoring DD is hurtful to all the kids, and if it continues she will not be allowed to see any of the kids.
    Good luck.

    Answer by MizLee at 8:20 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Your DH should discuss this with his folks but since he's ignoring it then Id talk to them myself.
    Id explain my observations, my feelings, and tell them that if I dont see a significant change they wont see ANY of the grandkids.

    My mother favors my sisters family over mine and its very obvious. We stopped talking for several months when I finally let my feelings out but it was worth it. No more stress, no more feelings of anxiety or inadequecy(sp), and my children didnt feel blown off either(although they are still young that it didnt effect them too much but I saw what was to come).

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 11:11 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Let me start off by saying this I understandI understand why everyone is angry.  I understand because I also have a MIL who gives being a grandmother a bad name.  She has several grandchildren but is only concerned about one.  She gives every excuse in the book why that is but never the less it is not right.  

    1.  There should be a conversation between the adults NOT THE CHILDREN.  You have to discuss this with your DH.  Let him know how you feel but more importantly how this makes your children feel.  He should be the one talking to your MIL.  If he does nothing and if you are comfortable DISCUSS this with your MIL. 

    To be continued...


    Answer by KEBaker at 11:23 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • 2. Don't put the children in the middle of this. I would not take anything from the daughter who is getting the "extra". It is not her fault so you should not make it seem that way. Believe me she sees this happening and will more than likely began to lose respect for your MIL. If your children ask about this situation you should discuss it with them but you should not bring it up. Unfortunately, this will be your time to tell your children about how people don't act the way WE want them to and that the world is made of many people with different personalities which we all have to deal with on a daily basis and your grandmother is giving you the cold hard reality of this fact.

    Answer by KEBaker at 11:24 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

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