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If it were your father what would you do

My dad and step-mom were cremated and I have their ashes. My step-mom's family wants them buried where her parents will be (also where my grandparents are), together. I hate the idea of my dad being buried with her, because the idea is to put them with my grandparents and I really don't think my grandparents would approve. Her family didn't like my dad, I didn't really like her (or her family). I would rather split them up and be done with it, since nobody in my family would be around to visit the grave site anyway.
That said, they were still married, and it seems wrong to not bury them together. I honestly can't say what my father would've preferred, because he loved his wife be he also still loved my mother. There's no room near my mother's grave, but if there were, I don't think he would've objected.
Meanwhile he's here in an urn. If it was you where would you put him?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:02 AM on Sep. 17, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • Why don't you just keep him....

    Answer by OneToughMami at 9:05 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • He was married to her. I would keep them together.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Thats a hard question.I personally cant stand my dads wife.I refuse to call her my "step mom" shes just a flat out B.But if your dad loved her maybe they should be kept together.IDK sorry I wasnt any help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • He's your dad keep him if you want. If it were my dad I would just release him to the wind or fertilize my garden with him. In all honesty the butterfly does not care what happens to the cocoon once it spreads it's wings. Burying ashes seems rather ummm..... pointless?? Do what you feel is right. I promise he is not going to care one way or the other.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:13 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I think maybe you're dad would have tried to find a way to give everyone closure and comfort. A man that can love two women until his death has a gentle spirit . I would have a part of him put inside the urn with his wife. Then let her family dispose of her ashes as they see fit - they needn't know that he is with her if that will cause animosity. Then sprinkle his ashes over your mother's grave or have the urn sealed and permanently placed on her grave marker. He will be with both women then. I think he would have liked it that way.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 9:28 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Can you bury them together at a neutral location, meaning not at your family's spot and not at her family's spot, maybe a different cemetery. This way you are not torn on keeping them together like he would have wanted or not upset either family by the other being buried there too.


    Answer by midnightmoma at 9:29 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I would either keep him or scatter the ashes... You could scatter some with her or you could scatter them all in other places, but it's up to you. For me, I would bury her with her parents and scatter him among his favorite things (lake if he was a fisherman or Football field if he was a mega fan)

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:53 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • My husbands grandma died years ago and his grandpa got remarried, they woman he married is not really nice, he does love her but not like he did his first wife. when he goes he will get burried next to his first true love. so I would say if your mom died while they were married, to burry him by her. she was his first choice and even if she died years ago shes still the love of his life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Why don't you just put some of the ashes in each place.  My father was cremated and most of his ashes are in a niche in the cemetery and my mother's ashes will be placed next to him, but I have some of his ashes in a personal memento urn and I have some more that I will take home to England and scatter.


    Answer by beeky at 10:06 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Id spread their ashes someplace they both enjoyed being.

    I dont think Id keep them nor would I seperate them or let each side of the family argue over their remains.
    I highly doubt they are up there caring whats done with their ashes down here.

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 10:59 AM on Sep. 17, 2009