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don't know what to do...

my mother has been here for a week now. almost every night i have been up with her. the doctor has given her 3-6 months to live back in feb. or march. her legs are so swollen they are breaking opened. she is geting worse, and she wont let me take her to the hospital. she wants me to wait on her 24-7 i don't mind, but she wont let me take her to the hospital where they can help her. she is so stuborn.when she is at her house she does everything for herself. i have begged her to move in with me, but she wont. she is going back home today, just because my brother is getting out of jail, and she wants to make sure he is ok. my kids and boyfriend finally had her talked into go to the hospital the other day, then she found out he was getting out and wants to go be with him. this is hurting my 2 teens really bad what should i do? please help me!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Sep. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • I lthink if she only has months to live and she wants to do it without medical intervention then you should respect her wishes. Maybe doctors will only prolong her pain. Just be there for her as much as you can and be honest with your teens about what is going on. Let them play cards with her, listen to her stories and squeeze in as much quality time as you can. It must be really hard to go thru!!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 10:21 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • It sounds to me that she needs some medical care if her legs are so swollen that they are breaking open. That could lead to infection, pain and so on. Is it possible to have home health care come in and help out? She could be at home with her family, yet a nurse can come in for an hour or two and give her meds, clean wounds, help her a little. If you have a Council on Aging, or Agency on Aging in your area, check into it. It usually does not cost you anything. They helped me with my mother before she passed in 2002. It was a blessing.

    Perhaps when your brother gets out of jail, you can both talk her into going to the hospital? Maybe she'll listen if it's coming from both of you. And be there (both of you) as she goes to her appointment. It may be that she is just scared with her life ending so soon.

    My prayers are with you.
    LizS528

    Answer by LizS528 at 10:29 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • If home is where she's most comfortable then it's probably a good idea to let her go there. When both of my parents died, that's where they wanted to be. No one wants to die in a hospital. Once she gets there just be there for her and try to make her as comfortable as you can. If it gets to the point that she can't do for herself and you need a break call your local hospice, if you call the local hospital they can give you the number to call. It doesn't cost anything, they are all volunteers. GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:30 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • See in you can get in home hospice...I don't know the name for it exactly, but you can do a hospice type deal in the home. I saw a video about this like a year ago, so forgive me if I don't quite know the name, our hospital here does it. There was a woman with emphysema and she didn't want to be in the hospital because she felt it was unnatural, she was more comfortable going at her time, well, the hospice would send volunteers, RNs, and CNAs over to care for her until she passed. Maybe you have something locally like that.
    OneToughMami

    Answer by OneToughMami at 10:55 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • if they have given her that short of time why isnt she being treated by hospice??? they should be able to go to her house (yes you can do hospice at home, many people want to die at home and not in a strange place) they should be able to give her med to treat the negative effects of her condition, monitor her degression, you shoudlnt have to do all of that, i will be hard for teens, grandma is dying of course that is hard but it is a part of life to deal with and maybe get them therapy... again hospice can provide that to family,, even music and art therapy for younger kids... so maybe explore that option if you havent already, it is covered by my insurance.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 11:11 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • agree with AmaliaD. You should look into hospice care. If the doctors have given her only a few months then going to hospital is only going to rack the bills and she will be away from her family. Hospice can help make her comfortable and manage her pain in the comfort of a home with her family around her. They also help the family deal and cope with their impending loss. They were wonderful when my mother died of cancer 7 years ago. The nurse came in the middle of the night and stayed with us while mom passed away and then handled all the arrangements with the funeral home people that came to get her so we could focus on notifying family and being with each other.
    frat_twin_mama

    Answer by frat_twin_mama at 11:44 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I agree with the others who said to look into hospice care. Most hospices do both in home and in facility. Call a few of them and find the one that is right for her and your family. They will make sure her wounds are cared and help her to alleviate any pain. They work closely with her doctors. You and your family can visit as often as possible and know when you cannot, she is well cared for.

    We just went through this with FIL, and it was the best thing that we could have done. He wanted to go to a nursing facility to make the end easier for MIL. We got a call at 6:30 am that the end was likely to be w/in hours. When DH and I got there the hospice worker had calming music on and was holding his hand. Then she went to make us tea and did the same when MIL and SIL got there. She saw to not only his needs, but ours.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 11:55 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I would look into getting her hospice. They will come and visit her in her home and get in touch with her dr if need be. Good luck!
    sara13178

    Answer by sara13178 at 12:15 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

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