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need an older moms advice plz

ok so i guess a long story short im 22 and my oldest brother is 40 about 4 months ago he moved in with his gf whom i cant stand my parents seperated last december and me and my bf and our son desided to stay with my mom to help out and what not from the start of my brother moving in we had problems mostly he wasnt working but was drawing unemployment and not helping pay any thing my bf and i pay all the bills and it was draining us we are expecting a baby in 3 wks and started to worry about it we all got into a big fight about him staying here and not paying anything and a few wks later my mom said he was doing things he shouldnt be doing that could get me in trouble when i said something to him he left , came back called me a few choice words infront of my 3 year old and told me i was going to get what was comeing to me and they left my mom thinks its my fault and he did nothing wrong i dont understand that

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on Sep. 17, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (8)
  • cont. he is deaf and has been since he was like 2 and she acts like he can do no wrong and that me and my other 2 brothers are just aganist him and it really does make me feel like she just dont care and when i try to talk to her about it she tells me shes sry i feel that way but she thinks im wrong and i dont know what to do about it anymore
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • your mom is a grown woman and so are you, having adult children in the home creates a family dynamic that is unnatural, I would recommend getting your own place its time you and your bf and kids got to live your OWN life you will find that with distance comes perspective and with perspective comes peace get your own place and give the dust time to settle things will seem much clearer to everyone and you and your family can continue to move forward in your relationship by having a healthier dynamic for this time in your life
    katiekruschke

    Answer by katiekruschke at 8:51 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • My advice: get the heck out of there with the BF, toddler and new baby and start your own private life. These people are toxic.... not healthy for you. The brother sounds like a loose canon and mom is helpless.... but you don't have to be - just get away from them. I am not saying stop contact with them, after all that is your mom... but take care of yourself and your new family.
    graciepat

    Answer by graciepat at 9:36 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • The previous comments are right on track. It's time for you, bf, and babies to get your own place. Don't think of it as "us" against "them", but rather you putting yourself first - I mean, if you don't put yourself in a position to take care of your kids the best you can, things will not get any better. Just tell mom that you appreciate all she's done for you, but you have your own family now and it would be in the best interest of your kids to give them a home life where they are not exposed to negative behavior on behalf of your brother. Tell her that you love her very much and that you will be there for her. Ask her to please be supportive of your decision because you need it. Good luck! That's a tough place to be in. Think long term.
    happy1mom

    Answer by happy1mom at 9:56 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Yep. Everyone put it perfectly. Time for you to move on.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:26 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Perhaps you can get your own place and stay out of the drama
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:57 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • What is your brother doing that can get YOU into trouble? I am guessing you need to get your 3y/o somewhere safe. Deafness is no excuse for his threatening you and your children, or hurting them. Get safe and I mean ASAP! Your bf and you need to move into your own place do it quickly.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • I agree with every one else. It is time for you and your bf and children to be on your own asap. Mom will be ok. Maybe then will mom see your brother and his gf for what they are.
    gemstonelover

    Answer by gemstonelover at 5:07 PM on Sep. 27, 2009

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