Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help i have a question plz no bashing thx...

Im a single mom with a 11month old i lost my job due to the economy and i wanted to get calworks and foodstamps but here's my question will they go after my baby daddy? i currently get no help from him he hasnt signed the birth certificate and i know that if he finds out im getting help and they go after him he will take me to court to get joined custody he comes from a crazy familly and are abusive so plz help what should i say when i go to get welfare? some friends where telling me to say i dont know who the baby daddy is so idk should i just do that???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Sep. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • if the babys father is expected to pay child support he has a right to see his child you can do supervised visits if you are uneasy about it, also you are not supposed to lie when applying for PA and if they found out you falsified ANY Part of your case you will banned from any and all PA in teh future (which is a bridge you do not want to burn) your babys father should be paying child support whether you need it or dont need it and he should be able to see his child

    Answer by katiekruschke at 9:19 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I wouldnt lie about the bio dads info just because if you get caught you may end up paying back what you are given. W/O you having a job you will probably qualify for assistance anyways. If the dad comes back for custody it sounds like he isnt a great guy anyways so I would think you wouldnt have a problem with keeping custody. Good luck!

    Answer by ashleyuc07 at 9:20 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Just tell them you don't know who the baby's father is. How in the world would they ever find out that you lied? For the sake of your child not having to potentially be shuffled from one home to the another (in the case of joint custody), I would keep the baby's daddy out of this situation. If he really wanted to be involved in the baby's life, then where has he been for the past 11 months? If he only wants joint custody so he can avoid paying child support, then that sucks and your child doesn't deserve that.

    There's no way they can find out you lied. They already assume single mommies on welfare sleep around, so you could easily say, "Well, as a single mom, I had several sex partners around the time I go pregnant."

    I'm not saying YOU slept around, I'm saying that's what they assume.

    Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Mama- tell them the truth. He has a right to a paternity test, and he also has the right to refuse visitation. Your child has the right to be supported by both parents.
    YOU have the right to help if you are unemployed to take care of your munchkin. Screw the stigma. I'm a single mom and w/o food stamps and daycare, I'd be totally toast. I don't get any $ from my baby daddy and he's on the friggin certificate.
    DSHS is a pain in the butt, but bottom line they're there to help you get back on your feet and on with your day.
    Best of Luck :)

    Answer by SparklinSarcasm at 9:54 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • they will go after him. hubby has an ex fiance that had a child when they were together told him it was his and he is on the b.c. she left while he was in boot camp, totally disappeared on him. never to be heard from again, every few years she will apply for welfare and they contact him about child support, but she than disappears again. the point is they will go after child support from the father, if you need the assistance you need his support. as far as custody if he has had no part so far, don't see that being an issue. maybe visitation a few hours a week but not joint custody. don't lie though, if his name is on the b.c., if they somehow find out than you'll be in a lot of trouble and risk jail. who gets your child then?

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:50 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • If he's not on the birth certificate, he's not the Daddy in some states. I'd check with your vital statistics office to find out, and call the welfare folks anonymously and ask them how they handle situations like yours. Just say you're calling for a friend and don't give your name, and that way, you'll know how to proceed.

    Answer by Jesterqueen at 11:12 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Well, you could say that you don't know who he is. BUT, you SHOULD because it's the right thing to do. Just get a restraining order, etc. and tell them that you demand to have monitored visits for him and the safety of your child. Good luck.

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 11:26 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I had that same problem, my son's dad was a screwball, very weird guy, and I was afraid that if he paid child support he'd wanna see the baby, and he'd throw him in the river or something, because he is nuts. When i told DHS, they said that was hearsay and he has a right to his child. I managed to avoid the situation for 2 yrs and told them I didn't know who the father was, but they called me every six months and I finally gave in. He did well paying child support for the first 2 years, and never wanted to see his son, even though I asked him if he wanted to. He said he wouldn't know what to say to him (my son was 2, duh!). Now I'm lucky if I get child support just in time for birthday or Christmas, or back to school. I call friend of the court once a month, and they are all screwed up, and they don't care, no one does anything about it.

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:47 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • you cannot deny visits with the father unless you can prove him to be unfit but you can ask for supervised visits. but if you need the states help do it !!!!who cares what others think you are doing what you have to for your child. ive been there and got a tshirt.

    Answer by cat260 at 12:06 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Tell them you don't know who it is if you don't want him involved. Make it a simple story and STICK TO IT. Write it down so you can refer to it later. They'll try to trip you up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.