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Am I wrong to expect my 20 year old daughter to come home every night or call to let me know she won't be home?

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Asked by myspacemom62 at 9:59 PM on Sep. 17, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (25)
  • Well, she's still living with you. But she IS an adult. I wouldn't like it if my mom were trying to do that to me (I'm 21), but I moved out of her house the day I graduated high school... soo.... maybe it will be motivation for her to move out? I dunno. Tell her if she doesn't want to be treated like a child then to stop acting like it and either get her own place or pay you rent.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:02 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Sence she is still living with you. No I do not think you are wrong. I she paying you full rent? If yes. then you are wrong for expecting a room mate to do that.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:07 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I was in college at that age but was home for holiday and summers. I had to let my parents know where I was going and what time I would be home. I even had a curfew - 1am. It was a little annoying (especially when I was at college they had no clue what I was doing or where I was every night) but it was their house, their rules.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Not at all. If she want to do those things it's about time she gets a place of her own and live by her own rules and at her dime. Your home your rules.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • No you are not wrong!!! I was 19 & going through some rough times, living with my dad. I used to stay out all night and he would always want me to let him know if I wasn't coming home... Well, that was never really enforced. I was out drinking, doing lots of drugs, hanging with people that were NO GOOD, and ended up getting pregnant. I wish I'd just taken my ass home! Your daughter needs guidance if she isn't responsible enough to be in her own place and support herself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • well i do think she should call, because its the polity thing to do so that you dont worry

    Answer by pookipoo at 10:33 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I am 21 and lived with my dad when I was 19 and 20 and I always called to tell him where I was and I even payed rent...its not that hard to make a phone call!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Have you told her that that is what you expect? she can't read minds you know!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • No, you aren't wrong, that is the least she can do, I have a 30 year old daughter that lives with me and that is one of my rules, and she obliges, I don't ask her where she is or what she is doing, I just want to know so I don't worry. Explain to her that mom's mind wonder to the worst case scenario in such cases.

    Answer by older at 2:28 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • When I was living with my parents I had a curfew(sort of). It was more of a respect thing than a rule though. Both of my parents had to get up early for work so if I went out during the week then I either had to be home by midnight or stay at a friend's place so that the dog wouldn't bark and wake them up when I got home.
    Weekends I could stay out as late as I wanted.
    If I was staying somewhere else for the night I would call and let them know(provided it wasn't too late when I decided to stay out) so that they wouldn't worry. That was my choice though, not a requirement.
    Just let her know that as a mom you worry about her and you can't help it. Maybe don't tell her she "has" to call and let you know but that it would be appreciated.

    It is your home and really even if she is paying rent, it's still your rules. If she's paying rent then you guys need to write up a tenancy agreement and BOTH sign it.

    Answer by Laila-May at 3:00 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

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