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Is this true for all you mothers out there?

This stems from my previous question.. kind of.
However, I was told by a good friend of mine, after chatting with her, that no matter what their child does or even if they know what they've done is wrong, they'll always defend their own. Really?
Maybe my son isn't old enough - 16 months - for me to fully grasp that comment, but I still don't think it's true.
I would WANT my son to know what he did was wrong, and just like I've told my DH, "NO, I'm not going to defend you if you're wrong. I would want you to know the truth, so you don't look like a jackass in front of other people. It doesn't mean that I don't love you." And that's my point with this as well.

What about you? What's your philosophy on the matter?

Answer Question

Asked by K_Sawyer at 11:50 PM on Sep. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I know it's not the case for every single situation out there, but majority wise..

    And I'll give you an example where my MIL thoroughly agrees with my good friend.
    My BIL's ex-wife's brother is a bad drug addict. He ended up stealing from his parents, going into their room, stealing her jewelry to pawn it off, etc. Well, she ended up having to put a deadbolt lock in her bedroom door, and screwing all the windows shut, so he couldn't get in.
    My FIL said "No way. he would've been out of the house, and out on his ass. If he's got the balls to steal, he's got the balls to do it out in public."
    My MIL said "No, you just don't understand. You don't turn your back on your child. I would let him leave with us for as long as he needed."

    Would've been different if it was, "And get him help" she said it was "his choice"
    Oh, and btw. The guy was in his early 30's, not a teenager or anything.

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 11:56 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I'm somewhere in the middle. Lets say that my hub got into an arguement with someone else. Even if I thought my hub was wrong, I wouldn't say it right then. Later on, when we were alone I would say what I thought he was wrong about. My child, well, crap happens. Everyone messes up and I would tell them if I thought they were messing up but in the same way I would tell my hub. I've always believed in sticking up for what I think is right and what I think is right is in a way, to defend your own. As far as never telling someone when I think they aren't doing right, thats just not me. I want to be told when someone thinks something I've done is wrong.

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 12:23 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • If my child is in the wrong shes in the wrong. I will explain to her that shes in the wrong but its okay b/c everyone is wrong at some point in life. I will tell her what the correct answer/thing to do is & tell her that if she continues that action (if shes doing some physical) that she'll be put in time out. Yeah I'll always stand by my child unless shes in the wrong, thats life your wrong sometimes & then you have to face it but its okay.

    Answer by Mel30248 at 12:26 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I think it's awful to make excuses for our children, and to teach them that there are no consequences to actions, no effect from cause. I think that is what is done when a child is defended even when in the wrong. I think it validates the child into believing they can do no wrong, and it creates a sense of entitlement. I also think it is outrageous to allow someone else to correct your child. I will defend my child from aggressive behavior from others, even when wrong...because it is no ones place but that of a parent to correct a child. If my little one bites your little is not your job to correct or educate my child on the proper behavior, it is my job and I will address it. If another parent insists on persuing to correct my child, then my focus will shift to defend the unwanted influence and behavior, but it will return to the original issue. In my example I use one child biting another..but anything fits

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I'll defend them if they are wronged. I'll still love them and support them if they do something wrong but I won't put the blame on someone else or turn a blind eye. An example is one time we met with DH's far flung family and one of the other kids was a total brat. He constantly accused DS of being mean to him and I was watching the whole time. He didn't do one thing wrong. Then he says my son bit him. The kid's dad said "tell him you don't like and to stop". My son is sitting with his head down about to cry and I had enough of that other one so I said to him let me see your arm. Not a mark on him. I told him that it was obvious nothing happened and his dad actually asked him if he was "telling stories again." I cannot stand people who just jump in and defend their awful kids without gettting the whole story.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I will defend my son if he deserves it but if he does something you can bet I am going to call him out on it. And if I am handling it then I would prefer no outside interference like someone else jumping in(unless its DH) or someone trying to down play his action(like my mom lol). And depending on the situation I may wait to do anything until we get home or may handle it right then and there. I won't always defend him but I will always be there for him.

    Answer by nurbabe82 at 4:04 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

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