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How do you keep from being a perfectionist with your tween?

I hate about myself that I am always on my daughter for every thing. (she's 11, btw) Example would be the fact that she will try on her clothes to pick an outfit for school, then leave the clothes she didn't want to wear on her bed or floor, and sometimes ending up in the laundry again. Or just not picking up after herself, leaving the bathroom a mess, etc etc.... I don't want to seem like I'm on her constantly (which she tells me she feels like) but at the same time I need to teach her to be responsible and to pitch in around the house without being told, like cleaning up after herself. I know I need to pick my battles, but what methods can I use to make peace for her and myself? Thanks!!

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Asked by workathome01 at 1:14 AM on Sep. 18, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Or, better yet, my last sentence should be, What methods can I use to make peace AND to also
    keep her on track with the responsibilities?

    Answer by workathome01 at 1:19 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Make a list of things she is responsible for then sit down to have a talk with her. This is your house so there are house rules. If she didn't follow the rules, she has to get a allowance cut. Hope it works and that's how I would do to my future tweens.

    Answer by ocsosomom at 1:47 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Thing about kids that age they think they are adults and that they know better, and when mom talks to her about responsibilty like cleaning her room or cleaning up after herself in not such a big deal and they think it's a big drag, you should try talking to her like she is an adult and explaine to her what the responsibilty of an adult is, my mom just went through this with my brother. Good luck

    Answer by looovemybabies at 1:48 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • BTW, you also can tell her...she has to pay you to clean after her so allowance cut is more reasonable.

    Answer by ocsosomom at 1:48 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • yeah, that's the crappy part too, she hasn't even been getting allowance because I am tired of her not keeping up on her duties. So she doesn't even seem to care that she doesn't get it. Now I need to find another way...... blah.

    Answer by workathome01 at 2:13 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • My kids do that crap and they are only 6 and 7 and, to some extent, my 9yo. I still make them clean it up. Their mess--they clean it up. If they don't I confiscate the clothes. I also made them start doing their own laundry because I was tired of doing it and 30-40% of the stuff in there I had just washed the week before and had never been worn.
    A few weeks ago I went in their room while they were at school and cleared it out. It was in perfect order and I charged them all $2 for maid service. They don't get an allowance so they have very little money (just from the tooth fairy and doing odd jobs for neighbors). My 9yo was upset that I took her money.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 8:06 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • What she leaves in family spaces, gets taken away and has to be earned back. Try not sweating the small stuff. Teach her how to do laundry and let her do her own, she won't be so willing to put clean clothes in the laundry then. She has to learn responsibility sometime, why not now? I learned to not nag my 13 yr old and it gets a lot more done.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:22 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

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