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teenage relationships

How involved do you get in your teenage daughters relationship with her BF? I basically like her boyfriend, but I see some problems with him being a bit controlling. He is extremely close with his dad(very controlling) and almost 18 years old. What I see in his family is that the boys (Dad and son) run the show. Mom ,she is a doormat. I don't want this for my daughter. I see tendencies of her giving in alot and I don't see his Dad as being a good role model in how you should treat your girlfiend. I am not normally controlling but I find, I feel like I should put my foot down now. I wish my daughter would see all of this. I just want her to be stronger. Her boyfriend is nothing like her father, who would do anything for us.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Sep. 18, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • I wouldn't put your foot down because she is going to rebel and continue to see him. I would however have a talk with her so that she may hear your issues and possible point of some examples and let her know that you will be there for her if she decides to call it off.

    Answer by coala at 9:11 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Voice your concerns and let her know how you feel, but you have to respect her choice, unless he is abusing her or getting her into illegeal activities. Encourage them to see each other away from his family. Also if you want her to be stronger, you have to let her make the choice, or you are not doing her any favors.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 9:39 AM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I wouldn't put your foot down at all... that's going to make her push back. Subtly expose her to thing that will make her think. Movies, books, magazines, other couples, if you have a good friend or aunt that you're close to have her bring up the issue with her. Take her for lunch have her talk about her life and have the friend comment on the issues. I would stay out of it yourself if i were you. Otherwise she'll probably do things just to make you mad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Have you spoken with your daughters bf about his feelings towards women or to find out how he see a womans role in a relationship? Maybe if he knows that not all women are afraid to express thier opinions or feelings he may look at his relationship with your daughter in a new light . It could show him the strenght of a real woman, the woman that pass that strenght to her daughter or it could show her the type person he really is by his response. But whatever you do don't try to control him or her or you will seal hers and your fate.

    Answer by angelsmom94 at 12:13 AM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • This sounds a bit like what our DD went through, but at 14 and yes, we did put our foot down. Dad is a racist, and so is son, Dad sits around on his computer all day, so does his son, doesn't work, son would rather do anything but think about work (school or otherwise), Dad is a biker and tries hard to be so cool hanging with the biker buds, son acts like he's so cool and so smart~kind of like an old man, treated our daughter like she was his wife~treated her like crap when he's having a bad day~I'm guessing it's the same over at his house~Mom is fearful of the phone, paranoid of everything~never goes out~works nights~never talked to me or came in to my house to socialize even for a minute...very weird~ now my DD sees what we are concerned about, but she's hanging on to what bit of the relationship is allowed~talking at school, briefly on the phone, no visits outside of school. Your daughter is older~ talk to her about it.

    Answer by dflygirl7 at 8:06 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

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