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Am I being selfish?

My sister in law is pregnant and is due in December with her first. She tells me oh I went to the store with my husband to look at baby stuff and omg it's so expensive blah blah and she's like I just bought a blanket that was on sale, because either way you are going to give all your baby stuff right. She is also not wanting a baby shower because she said that I'm going to give her all my daughters clothes and the swing, highchair, car seat etc. I was like what the hell, I mean sure my daughter is 9 months already and we are going to buy her a new carseat soon, but still it's like bitch don't you want your own shit, stop depending on me and THINKING I'm going to give you my stuff. All of my stuff was given to me all the big expensive things and I know my family wouldn't feel good if I give away something that was so expensive. My husband and I are going tcc when she turns 1 which is in Nov. Selfish or not?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Sep. 18, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • No you are not being selfish and she sholdnt assume. I can see her saying that if you told her you were going to let her use it, but not just assuming. i would just sit her down and tell her that you talked to hubby and you guys are saving your stuff for another baby. Maybe you have a few things that you had too much of and you could offer those to her, but as far as big stuff goes that you want to just save it for all your children since you cant afford new and will be using it before long.

    Answer by ria7 at 2:30 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Just tell her you two are not finished having children. That you are keeping all your baby stuff. For the next baby.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:30 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I don't think it's selfish at all. It's your stuff and you have every right to keep it or give it away only if you want to.

    Answer by SweeThang931 at 2:31 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Nope not selfish. It's your stuff and you are going to need it! My SIL did the same thing to me recently and she is not even pregnant. She just told me "My baby will have all used stuff cause everything is so expensive so I'll just get your stuff." I was like WTF? Who says I'm done having kids? And even if I was, it's my stuff and I decide what to do with it. Times are tough for everybody so sometimes I sell some stuff! You are not being selfish!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • What I've seen done is to lend the stuff, and it is then returned when it is time for the owner to have more children. But the owners make the offer, not the borrower.

    Answer by Bmat at 2:43 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Nope and you shouldn't give her anything. you guys are going to try for another one you need that stuff!

    Answer by mrsjonzy at 2:51 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Let your husband handle this.

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:02 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Not selfish at all. My aunt pulled this when my cousin got pregnant. "They're having a girl! Isn't that great?! You can give them hand-me downs from your daughter!" Um. NO. 90% of my daughter's stuff I got used (the other 10% was given to me as presents lol) and it took alot of time and effort finding so much used stuff that I liked. And I don't know that I'm done having kids. Besides which, when I am done having kids, I could really use the money from selling it rather then just giving it away. My aunt, and my cousin's wife's parents have MORE then enough money to help out if my cousin's need it. Wow, okay ranting.

    But yeah, I totally get where your coming from and you (or your DH) needs to tell her "Sorry, but we're not doing having children so we're going to keep our stuff for the next child. But, maybe you could rethink that baby shower for getting your own stuff"

    Answer by Pudge_Pie20 at 3:52 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • If you want more kids there should be no reason for her to think that you would be giving her your things, I hate it when people assume things like that, they don't know how stupid they seem. I let my own sister use my 1st child crib mattress and I never got it back I asked and asked for it. I had to buy another for my second 2. That's still a 'hot topic' in my family. I don't get how people assume the are intitled to your things.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 4:06 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Wow! She is rude! I would say I wasn't done having kids and she should definitely go with the shower option if she can't afford kids. That will piss her off and yes, I would say it just like that...but I can be very rude when treated rudely. The problem is that she's your SIL, you'll have to see her at the holidays (minimum), and do you really want to deal with her 'tude after you've pissed her off?
    I wouldn't lend anything out, either. It might be all ratty when you get it back. I did that with my SIL and a very expensive baby seat/glider thing. It was in perfect condition. When she gave it back it was disgusting and stained.

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 4:27 PM on Sep. 18, 2009