Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does anyone have any advice to give on custody battles? I get no assistance from my son's father financially and hardly any phsyically as he only really comes around or calls when he feels the need to do so. If you've been in this situation are currently in the situation please advise. Thanks

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Sep. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Keep a journal of any visits,phone calls, money he gives, or any request from him for visitation that he does not follow through on. It will show the amount of involvement in the child's life. This is very important, because if he suddenly decides to be a jerk and try to take the child from you, you will have something to show the court. If you've never been married, and there are no custody papers, he technically has no rights to visitation, regardless of child support, so you can let him see the child on your terms- I personally would recommend you let him visit in the presence of a trusted, but neutral friend or relative and not let him take the child anywhere alone - you could meet at a park or friend's place with a yard so they can spend time together... Also, record any arguments or threats if any come up, just in case they may be needed for court. A lawyer is crucial for this situation.
    ranedare

    Answer by ranedare at 2:47 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I agree a journal is so important..a note in your planner works fine. As far as for u emotionally quit expecting it. Im not saying you are expecting it, btu I know for me I am not angry about it anymore cause I dont expect anything out of him. If I get soemthing it is a nice bonus. I used to be upset cause everytime i took her to the doctor I would think how he didn t pay his part. My dd is almost 8 now and I never think anything about it, she is my dd and im responsible and its his loss for not contributing. Someday she will know who was there for her. I never hound ex for money cause I want him to be able to call her without me nagging him. i never want him to say that I kept him from her by demanding money. I also dont ask cause I dont want to sacrifice her safety for grocery money, I dont trust the courts to protect her so I just let it go. He sees her about once a yr and we are all civil.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • i agree with both previous comments. My Daughter is now 12 and finally met her dad for the first time a year ago, well guess what the courts ordered him to pay child support and he wanted visitations. I asked my daughter what she wanted. her answer. He creeps me out, mom, i can see why you never stayed with him. I told him if he wanted to fight for visiations i was going after 12 years of back child support. and he has now left town and even abandoned his poor girlfriend who now has 3 of his kids. in 12 years i got 3 months of child support. Dont count on it and keep records of all calls, emails, visitations.!!!!
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 3:58 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • also there is no way of getting years of backpay child support an backpay start from the 1st day you file!
    NIKKIANDYBABY

    Answer by NIKKIANDYBABY at 4:04 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • If you havent file for child support. If he doesnt pay then there are more penalties. As far as custody if you dont have papers saying you have physical custody of the child he can keep the child and you would have to go to court to get her back. As far as him seeing your child you can a visitation schedule and keep a journal of phone calls or when/if he shows up for visitation. My dds father pays and talks to her daily but even though we live only three blocks from each other he sees her maybe once every two or three months. Just know you cant force them to be a good dad.
    katcb1019

    Answer by katcb1019 at 4:17 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • i don't agree about back pay. in arizona you do get back pay for child support. we had to establish paternity first and when we went to court he paid back child support. i would definately request back child support from the time you guys didn't live together anymore or if you never did from the time of her birth.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:32 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I agree with melody77, I'd check with child support in your state. I've never heard of child support starting from the day you file (*unless it's at birth). It doesn't even make sense, since the child didn't just appear years after he/she was born. The responsibility of the child begins at birth NOT when you file but ask just to be sure.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:54 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.