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Any advice?

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have a 9 month old son together, I would like to marry him because I love him that much. The problem is he has been married before and has a daughter from that relationship. I have never been married and our son is my first child. His past marriage was doomed from the start, the only reason he married her was because she got pregnant within a month of them being together. She cheated on him after 3 yrs of marriage and has denied him access to his daughter, so I can see how he would be nervous about getting married again. He has been apart from his ex wife for about 6 years, so I would figure that would be enough time to move on. Especially if he says he is happy with me. Sometimes we talk about marriage, he even calls me his wife to strangers, but I want it to be legal. Every time I talk to him about it he says he doesn' want to feel obligated to marry me. He confuses me

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Sep. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • What is going to change for you if it becomes "legal"?
    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 4:59 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Not wanting to get married because his former wife doesn't let him see his daughter doesn't make sense. You are sure he is divorced? If you want to be married and he doesn't, then you need to decide if he is the one for you. In some states there is common law marriage, so check on what this is- consult a lawyer. If he calls you his wife to strangers, I wonder if it indicates that he doesn't really like the idea of your not being married. You don't even need a big fancy wedding, if that is what is bothering him- just you and him and a license and a justice of the peace.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:02 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I've been there. after 6 years the ex wife is no excuse. I got pregnant and wanted to marry by bf of 4 years (which i had an engagement ring on for 3years) before my baby was born. He had every excuse you could think, you deserve a better wedding then we can afford right now, i am still sorting out my exwife's financial mess, yadda yadda yadda. All i wanted was to be his wife, a simple ceremony and legally his wife but he kept putting it off. Well i left. I told him i no longer wanted to be his pretend wife and my girls deserved a father who wanted to be there (he worked on the road and was never home anyways) and i deserved to be with someone who wanted me to be thier wife.

    Well he was miserable without me. He told me i was the best thing in the world and had no clue why he wouldnt want to make me his wife. I made him suffer for a year before i let him move in with me again. and now all he does is talk marriage!
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 5:20 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Just give him some time he might not want to get married because he dose not want to end up with a divorce again. He was hurt and he dose not wanna go through that again and don't bring up marriage for as long as you can and he will pop the question. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • He may be thinking "if its not broke, dont fix it" Thats how my dh felt for a long time too. He was married twice before me, and was VERY nervous about getting married again. Really, nothing but your last name is going to change when you get married, and if you are both happy and in love, there really is no difference. Just be happy the way you are, and who knows, he may surprise you someday! =)
    fallnangel93

    Answer by fallnangel93 at 6:29 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • quit having children BEFORE marriage. why should he marry you when you have given him all that marriage would give without the commitment? this is not about his x. It's about he doesn't want to marry you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • He married her but won't marry you. What does that tell you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • It sounds like your values are not quite in sync. There are many legal protections that go along with a marriage certificate. If you want to get married and he does not, then it is time for you to move on.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:12 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • If I leave him, I would be going back home to NJ, where my family and friends are. We are currently living in TX. But if I leave I will be the bad guy and take his son with me and my son wont have his father. I mean I wouldnt deny any of them from seeing one another, but it wouldn't be the same.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

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