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Going behind the other parent's back..

I know it is usually a bad thing, but is it always THAT bad?

My 14 yo sd has a party she asked if she could go to tonight, so I told her sure I didn't see why not. My dh is out of town and after talking with him on the phone, found out that she asked him last week if she could go, and he told her no, because the party is at a seniors house and he was worried about underage drinking and so on. So now she is begging me to just let her go, and keep it between us.

I don't know I think he is being a little overprotective, he usually is, I don't see the harm in letting her go for a couple hours and then picking her up.

Any opinions on this one? Say no, or just let her go for a short time?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Sep. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I would call the house and ask if parents are supervising the party. Your husb was concerned about underage drinking. Rather then just say no, He could have said I need to verfiy the details about the party. You could do this and call him & say you didn't realize he had said no. But now that you know what his concerns were, you addressed them. the party will be chaparoned, etc & then you can decide. My son is a senior and I have a dau who is a freshman. I have parties & both crowds are here. There is never drinking allowed, & I always chaprone.

    We don't always have to say no. There are safe parties out kids can go too. If you decide to let her go, Walk up to the door with her & meet the parents.

    Answer by moneymagnetmom at 11:56 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • my kids do the same thing. they ask me and i say no on stuff then go to there dad and get a damn yes. ground the child for it and dont take it out on the husband n/c he didnt know..vice versa!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • She should not go. That is being manipulative to ask one parent, be turned down, and then ask the other. She should not think she can get away with doing this.

    Answer by Bmat at 6:28 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • 14 year old girls and 18 yr old boys with the possibility of alcohol don't mix. JMO. Plus, I think it's important to show a united front to the kids.

    Answer by deadheadjen at 6:28 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I would not let her go, just because she was told no, and tried to get away with it anyway.

    Answer by Krysta622 at 6:29 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • He told her no and for a good reason. If you go behind his back you have taught her it is OK to disrespect her dad. A good mom never teaches her kids that. He said no you should too. She will live without this party.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • it sounds like your husband is the more sensible parent, a 14 year old girl should not be at a party with kids that age, unless you don't mind her making or possibly having sex and drinking.

    Answer by staceynoel at 6:35 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I don't understand why you think it's ok to go behind your husband back on THIS. This isn't about buying a pair of new shoes or a dvd. It's about physical and emotional safety. I have a feeling she's your oldest child? You could think about choosing now to keep her away from this likely bad situation or you could most likely have hindsight and your daughter becoming a teen statistic makes you wish you'd stopped her.

    Sometimes being a parent isn't being a best friend it's about teaching the evils of drunk driving and drunken sex at parties.

    Answer by lfl at 6:42 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • I would not let a 14 year old go to a party with 18 year olds.

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:46 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

  • Are you a troll? because you sound like a very irresponsible parent.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Sep. 18, 2009