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Was I out of line to tell him not to give SD anymore money?

I am married and my hubbys daughter from a prior relationship is 14 years old. Now that she is a teen, she doesn't want to see dad as much anymore, she is 'busy' alot of the time. Well, hubby faithfully pays his child support everymonth, talks to SD nearly everyday, and is always trying to get her to come stay with us...but like I said, she is "busy". Plus her mom does not encourage her to see her dad AT ALL...

My hubby always gives them extra money for activities, field trips, clothes, whatever...

Here is my gripe....hubby and I had a discussion about SD not wanting to come visit, yet her and her mom constantly ask for more. I say if SD does not want to see dad, then she should get no EXTRA...above child support..he is not the BANK and he wants to SEE his daughter..hubby got miffed at me for saying this...

Was I out of line?

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jlm202610

Asked by jlm202610 at 3:53 PM on Sep. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Weeeell....kind of. It's his daughter, and he feels responsible for her. It could be worse; he could be a deadbeat. What's the mom's situation? Is she able to afford any extras for the kids? Would they have to go without if your DH was giving ONLY the child support? Does she do sports or extracurricular activities, and that's why she's busy?
    SarahLeeMorgan

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 3:56 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • Probably, because unless you are going through a really hard time financially, it's his daughter. If you can't afford it, that's one thing, but if you just want him to take a stand, you probably need to leave that up to him to make a decision.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 3:56 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • i agree with u..seems like hes tryin to buy her love
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • tell him to talk to the mom
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • You were a little out of line, but I can also see your point. I can see why you would want him to stop, b/c it does seem like she might be taking advantage. On the other hand, it is his daughter, and whether she's taking advantage or he's trying to buy her love or whatever the underlying reasons might be, he has the right to give her money if he wants. If it's causing a financial hardship for you two, then you can sit down with him and present it to him that way. "Honey, I know Sally wants money for soccer, but the electric bill is due and we still have to buy groceries this week and gas up the car. I really don't see how we can afford to do all of it. Can her mom do it this time and we'll see if we can pick up the tab for the next big thing?" Otherwise, they could both, father and daughter, decide you're trying to come between them and resent you.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 4:24 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • Problem is....kids this age are busy with activities and they cost money to boot. Also, I would think that any form of trying to 'boss' hubby regarding his daughter and her visitations and/or helping her financially with these activities is going to begin to cause a rift.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • I would say you were a little out of line.. that's like saying if you want money you have to spend time with me. that's not right. my parents divorced when I was 12 I spent time at my dads but when I het that teenage range 13-17 I hardly saw him, I went to visit occasionally when I thought I "had time" girls wanna spend time with other girls at that age, n talk about boys and fix their hair and crap like that. If he stops givin her a lil extra money here and there just cus she don't visit could damage any kind of a relationship they have. She'll wise up. In the meanwhile dad should talk to the mom and make sure everything is fine and that she's not taking the money even after mom gave her some or whatever. 14 is a tough age.
    Instead maybe plan some family trip that she might enjoy and maybe offer to have a friend come along.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • Yes you were, remember that's his daughter,and will always be. You and DH could be divorced next month, but DD will always be his DD. Back up DH 150% in all he does. You might be in SD mothers shoes one day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • I agree you were out of line and you must think so if you had to ask. It is his daughter and he needs to make those decisions. The type of answer you provided him makes you appear greedy and will cause problems and resentment in your relationship. You also say that he talks to her everyday so he does have and maintains a relationship with her. If he is giving her the money it is because he wants to and can afford it. Maybe he is a nice dad...just sayin...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • But your profile says you are not married... "living with a partner"...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

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