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Hubby has 1% custody of daughter, him seeing her has never been an issue...now she doesn't want to come anymore....what to do?

My hubby has only 1% custody of his daugher, pays full child support with no issue. He has always just seen his daughter "whenever" (not smart, I know)..but it has always been more than 1%.

Well now, she is a teen and says she is too busy to see her dad as much. We want her to come AT LEAST one weekend a month (7%). I know she is 14 and has SOME say, but is there any reason we can't get an order that gives us ONE WEEKEND a month? Oh, and her mom encourages her NOT to see her day...makes it easy for her, but difficult to have a relationship with SD.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Sep. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • umm stay out of it, it is between her her dad and mom
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 4:49 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • AP..rude response. That doesn't help the OP...take mom back to court, ask for more time...if hubby and SD have a good relationship, I don't se why you would not be able to get 7% court ordered.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • aren't there other ways of trying to have a relationship with her besides going to court and forcing her to come.... I don't think a 14 year old would be to understanding about being forced to go anywhere and then trying to bond with her after that?
    He's gotta talk to the mom or talk to his daughter. Plan something to do and then call her and invite her to come along
    janeenee

    Answer by janeenee at 5:08 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • um, no she's 14, she does NOT have a say. Sure she'd like to think she does, but she is still to mentally immature to be making that kind of an adult decision. your hubby needs to take mom back to court and ask for every other weekend. then you can always compromise down to one weekend a month.
    Pudge_Pie20

    Answer by Pudge_Pie20 at 6:10 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • I don't think it's right that mom encourages her not to come. BUT, here's my thing...you get a court order that forces her to come. If she already doesn't want to come for one day, do you REALLY think that forcing her to come for an entire weekend is going to foster a good relationship with her dad? I have to be honest, when I was 14 if someone forced me to come visit them, I would have been the biggest brat possible. I would just talk to the daughter (her dad should do this) and ask her to come visit one weekend. Maybe plan something fun and exciting that weekend so she'll want to come. If she comes and has a good time, then she might be more open to coming again. I just really think a court order would not be the way to go here, not if he really wants to have a good relationship with his daughter.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:16 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • My son is nearly 11 and has made a similar decision himself. Other reasons than being "busy". But, his father doesn't believe me and my ds won't tell him personally. Anyway, I would advise your dh to talk to sd and ask if he can be involved in her activities more. If she is in sports can he attend them, if she's into going to the mall can he take her a few times a month and make a father daughter day of it. What ever it is she's doing that is replacing their time as a family he needs to tell her he's interested and wants to be a part of it.

    That's all I've got for you. I told my xdh the same thing. He promised our ds and never followed through so ds said he was tired of being hurt by his father. I hope I gave you a decent idea.
    Good Luck!
    luvbnmomnwife

    Answer by luvbnmomnwife at 6:35 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • Dad can tell her how much he wants to see her. If she doesn't want to then I guess she can't be forced unless the Court intervenes.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:39 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • Actually, at 14 , in the state of Virginia at least, they do have a say. My stepdaughter decided she did not want to go to her mom's house anymore because they treated her like crap, so my husband consulted a lawyer and we found out that SD did have rights, and the judge would talk to her to get her side of the story. My SD ended up writing her mom a letter letting her know in a nice way she did not apprecieate how she was being treated and did not want to come over anymore. Instead of trying to sit down with her daughter and try to work things out, she just blew my SD off and didn't make her come over anymore. I would talk to a lawyer, but I think it's going to eventually fall on what the child wants.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

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