Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Not sure what to do in this situation...

I have a 2.5yo DS and a brand new DD. When we first got together my DH and I talked about how many kids we wanted. I personally want 5 but he said he'd compromise at 3.
Well now that we have a son and a daughter he says we should stop there.
I still want another baby. I don't want one right away, I am still recovering from my c-section.
I figure that I'd be ready again in a couple of years but DH seems to have his mind made up.
I feel really sad about this because I obviously can't do it on my own and it seems unfair that what I want doesn't seem to matter.
He wants to stop, so we stop.
I want to have another baby for so many reasons and it just sucks that it doesn't even get to be discussed.
He knew when he started dating me that I wanted a big family, it seems so unfair that because HE changed his mind, I just have to go along with it.
I just don't know what to do.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on Sep. 19, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • and I have to say, I am udderly in shock at the lack of support you are getting here at the moment. While I do agree that he could change his mind, I wouldn't wait and see if that happened to me. I would be discussing with him the ramifications of HIS decision and then probably looking for a new place to live, a lawyer, ect if we could not reach an agreement.
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 10:15 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • We have five and we struggle so much. Be careful what you wish for. I would say don't pressure him. It has to be an agreement. Is he well off financially? Are you working? Men worry about providing. Do you like to vacation, plan trips, spend maybe he is afraid he can't do all those things if the family grows more. You NEED to look at the big picture plus these are terrible times to bring children into this world. Again you really need to reanaylze everything. Trust me. Good luck to you and I hope you have peace soon. :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • I would definately concentrate on your 2 kids right now. He may decide a couple of years down the line that he does want another child. But it has to be both of your decisions. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • What is Daddy's reasoning? Before I had kids, I thought I wanted like 15 kids (I was brought up Mormon..don't laugh). Once I HAD kids. Another story entirely. I have two. They are five years apart and one doesn't live with me. The one who is mine and my husband's is a challenge for us both sometimes! LOL! You need to come at it less from an emotional point of view than from a more analytical point of view. Wait until the DS and DD are both somewhat older and speak to your husband about WHY he thinks you should be finished.

    Good luck!
    SterlingLegend

    Answer by SterlingLegend at 9:23 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • Maybe once you start planning for the future the kids college, a bigger house that fits 5 kids., vacations, nicer car, savings $$$$ you might change your mind. They say you should have 3 times your rent/mortgage payment put away for an emergency. Is all this in order??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • Talk to him about it in a couple of years when the economy is better and you two can save up so you can show him you can afford another child. Don't be upset now. Just enjoy the two you have now and bring the subject back up when he sees how well the family thing is working out. Make him see having more is the right thing but that will take some time.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:25 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • Instead....Get a Golden retriever for hubby and son and a poodle for you :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • Why don't you worry about taking care of the two children you have and yourself from what I understand your saying is you just had your DD so it may just be over whelming for your DH right now that your already taking about another baby. Chill out momma your emotions are running out of control and your getting ahead of yourself. Enjoy the family you have and worry about another at a later time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • OP---The reason he gave me was that we have a perfect boy and a perfect girl so why bother having any more?
    We aren't rich but we're more than fine. I don't work because we can afford for me not to. The last paying job I had was because I wanted it not because we needed it. Money is not an issue as far as how many kids we have goes.
    As far as it being terrible times to bring kids into the world...isn't it always? Isn't there always something horrible happening in the world? Wars being fought, disasters happening?
    I honestly feel that unless we raise our children to do better than us, the world wont change.

    Us not having any more kids isn't "our" decision, it's his. I know we both have to agree but we don't.
    He doesn't agree we should have more and I don't agree that we shouldn't.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

  • OP---I'm not in a rush to have another one, I'm just upset by the fact that he's all of a sudden totally closed off to the idea of it.
    Don't worry, I take very good care of the kids we have and I don't plan to change that.
    I just don't like the fact that something we both agreed on before we got married is now changed because he feels like it.

    We've already planned for the future. We never said we were going to have five, I said I wanted five and he agreed to three. The house we're living in now has room for all of us and then some.
    We don't need a nicer car, we have a brand new one as well as three other cars and a motorcycle.
    It's not money that's the issue for him, we do fine on a single income and always have the option of a double income.

    I'm just saying that it sucks that I don't even get to have a say.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Sep. 19, 2009

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN