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I feel like I've stepped into something that I'm not at all equipped to deal with, and I'm spiraling out of control.

Today, I have come to the very startling realization that I am deeply, deeply depressed. I had the typical teen depression that most go through, I went through the "suicidal" phase. I cut myself, not for attention, but for an emotional release.
I have come upon that point again, only it's much worse. I'm terrified of these emotions, and it just feels like my DH doesn't even understand them fully.
I didn't have the most horrible childhood in the world. It was filled with verbal and physical abuse, and yet, I was surrounded by love. It's jaded me terribly. I have a warped view on everything.
Combined with what I've gone through with my MIL/FIL/BIL, all of them hurting me very deeply, something that happened almost a year ago until recently. Realizing my friends have all gone separate ways, and I have no one. I've desperately clung to them, reached my hand out for help, silently pleading for just an open ear to hear me -

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:26 AM on Sep. 20, 2009 in About CafeMom

Answers (8)
  • - they're all so busy with their lives, which I don't blame them for.
    I feel like I'm free-falling into a black pit, with no light in sight anymore.

    I put all my feelings, thoughts, my woes down on paper, and they all seem so petty, I wonder how they have the power to abuse my emotions like this.

    I'm planning on seeking professional help, but I'm slowly losing my mind. I have a wonderful family, I wouldn't trade it for the world. But sometimes, I want to slip into those carefree, completely irresponsible days - oh, that's right. I never had them.


    This obviously isn't a question, but I couldn't sleep from all these thoughts, so I thought I'd just post them on here. I'm not seeking pity, which is why I'm anon. Just need to let it out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 AM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • you need to call your doctor. if you don't have one, call a hotline so you can talk to someone who can direct you to where you need to go to get help. if you've been depressed in the past (and yes alot of teens go through some sort of depression, but cutting is not normal) than its all the more likely that this time it will get worse. you're saying you're starting to feel the same way you did then, and you had suicidal thoughts then. so you need to get help now, the fact that you realize it is good, now you just need to reach out for help.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 3:30 AM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • ok well you posted the second half at the same time i wrote my response :) glad you are going to look for help.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 3:31 AM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I wanted to clarify something.
    I'm not suicidal, yes, I went through that idiotic phase, after I was essentially crushed by a broken relationship. First love lasted for years. Typical teen stuff.
    I don't feel suicidal now, but I do feel like cutting, which I associate with releasing a lot of emotions. I don't want to do that.
    I'm also pregnant, which makes me wonder if this is just another boost of emotions from pregnancy hormones.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 AM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I am glad you are going to get help. I have come to the conclusion that I have a tendancy to a chemical imbalance that makes me really depressed. An antidepressant is all I need when that happens. I hope you find peace.
    tomatoqueen

    Answer by tomatoqueen at 3:39 AM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • First of all what you said, "typical teen depression" . Some teens might be that way. But most teens are not that way. So I do not think it is typical. You make it sound like all teens do this.

    You had a deprssion problem then and you still have it. You just need to go get help. NOW.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:33 AM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • maybe you have 'borderline personality disorder' it happens to 2% of the population. it's hell to live with
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 7:56 AM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • hello my friend, I am going through the same. My advice...go back to your roots....what were your dreams as a kid?? Do you have a passion that has not been satisfied?? Even if it seems like an unreachable goal, please take my advice and aim high. Set some goals, long term and short term goals that will get you closer to your dreams. Take it from someone who has jumped out of a moving vehicle having to get 12 staples on my head......life is a struggle...you can either fight it or let it control your life. I do not know if you are religous, but reding the bible (psalms) can be inspirational. And please contact me if there is anything I can do to help!! amberoz1031@yahoo.com
    Amberoz

    Answer by Amberoz at 3:14 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

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