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How do I deal with a "helicoptering" mom?

I am the mother of a 14 year old daughter. We have a mother of another girl of the same age at her school who is constantly hovering about at school. She is there at drop off - walking her daughter to her locker, hugging her and kissing her good bye, back again at mid morning snack (often sitting with her at the lunch tables), back again with a hot meal at lunch and again plopping herself down at the tables with her daughter and the other girls at the table, and then again at drop off often going to her daughter's locker to help her with her books. If nothing else, it seems to me like an invasion of privacy for all of the other girls. Their conversations are stifled, and their natural need for independent emotional growth is impeded. Am I wrong to expect that the school has a responsibility to put a stop to this? Is it unkind or unrealistic of me to have an expectation of parents being over separation anxiety by this time?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Sep. 20, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (17)
  • i would call the school and tell them about it and how its making the other kids feel like they cant be themselves THAT IS WAAAAAY too much mothering.. tell ur daughter to go tell and they might do something bc she is a kid at the school
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • That woman should just home school her kid instead.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • Wow, any idea why she is doing this? That might help shed some light on it. Was the daughter being bullied or abused in some way?
    I don't know what to say, this is NOT normal behaviour, but can the school stop her? I doubt it. It's not really invasion of privacy for the other girls, they can choose to sit elsewhere.
    Sounds like this mom needs a life of her own, though.
    Six_on_my_own

    Answer by Six_on_my_own at 1:36 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • Doesn't your school have a policy in regards to parents coming to the school? is this a private school? I am curious because I don't know many public schools with mid-morning snacks for 8th-9th graders. I'd speak to the principal about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • That is really weird. I would never do that to my kids. She's nuts.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I can see if the school has a day where they invite parents to eat lunch or something. But that is waaaaay overboard. I'd call the school. Does the girl of that mother have a problem with it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • It is not the "overprotected" children that should be worried about, fear for the unprotected.
    catholicmamamia

    Answer by catholicmamamia at 2:05 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • although i think it's a little wierd, and i would not do, how is this really affecting YOU? You sound like a busy body. If the girls at school are uncomfortable with this mom, then they need to tell the school.I would rather see a "helicopter mom", than the parents that don't give a s**t.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:43 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • While I personally would not do what she is doing, I don't really see how you need to do anything about it. I don't really see it as an invasion of the other girls privacy. It's school, not someone's bedroom or even their home. If they are bothered by her, they will sit somewhere else or otherwise stay away from her, or they will go to the school and complain. If it's making your daughter uncomfortable, then teach her to sit somewhere else.

    Now, if you are concerned that there is something "funny" going on, like that the mom is abusive and trying to prevent her daughter from telling anyone (not saying she is, but that's just a good example), then I would go to the school and talk to them. But otherwise, I think it's best to just ignore it.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:11 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I agree with the anon!!!!
    older

    Answer by older at 7:35 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

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