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Is this right or what would you do?

Recently my husband's company closed after 31yrs of him working there and money is really tight. But, now he is expecting me to fork over my entire check to make ends meet. I mean every cent. I have no say and he has all control all the way to how much gas is in my car and where I go. We have 2 kids and they ask me for simple things lets get an ice cream, lets go to the zoo, I have to keep telling them I don't have any money. It is to the point that he is even controlling what I put in the collection basket at church he gives me a dollar before we go into church to put in the basket! It would not be so bad if we where happy but everything is an argument.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Sep. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • tell him no, cash your check yourself, give him money-orders for the bills and keep the rest. It might be that because he is in a situation he never thought he would be in (dependent on you) he is reacting badly. He is "Supposed" to be the main bread winner, and now hes not. Maybe that is making him act crazy controlling because he doesn't know what to do. Try talking to him about it without letting it turn into an argument (it takes two to argue). Just keep being calm and reasonable and ask him what is up with this? SOunds like he has an issue and you need to know what it is.
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 2:19 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • i would hand over the check to him...we are that point where my husband was off for a month and a half and he just started a new job friday so we are limited to bills and necessary items ONLY....fun and charity arent top priority but bills and food are...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • Well my husband and I keep separate accounts - we have divided the household bills up and know what we are each responsible for paying. I know I would HATE it if my husband demanded my money and controlled how my money was spent. That is NOT right! I think you need to talk to your husband and tell him that you earned the money and you will decide how it is spent -not him! He has no right to be so controlling!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I'm sure he is just scared and wanting to make sure you have enough for food and essentials but tell him that if he cheats God out of a full tithe then he is restricting God's blessings. That's not a wise thing to do
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:34 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I wouldn't be able to deal with that. He needs to get a job and help. He has no right to take your paycheck and you have to beg for money.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 2:44 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • For 31 years your husband has paid the bills and took care of your family and after 31 years he has no job and no control and no money...and nothing to do but sit at home and think of how useless he is. For 31 years your husband has not asked you for a cent ...the money you made was money to spend however you wanted....and after 31 years.he needs your help.he needs you to understand things have changed and you can no longer go to the zoo or buy ice cream the reason for that is because your husband lost his job after 31years. Kiss your husband...tell him you love him...don't argue with him and understand he wants to make sure there is a roof over your head food on the table, and just enough gas in your car, the extras have to wait. Fun is free. The park is free. Family night with a board game is free. A football in the backyard is free. Good luck, & I hope he finds a job soon and buys you something shiny for being a trooper!!!
    abbyg

    Answer by abbyg at 3:55 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • He was expected to hand over his entire check for bill when he was working so why shouldn't you if you are the only one working now? What more important going to the zoo or having electricity? Maybe he hasnt let you in on how dire your financial situation is. I would sit down and talk to him instead of whining on the Internet about it.

    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 3:58 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • If you are the only one working, then your money goes to the bills and all the other things around the house. Sorry to tell you this, but welcome to the real world. That is how a marriage works, if you ask me. My husband is the only one working in our house right now, and his bills goes to everything. He does not sit around and whine about him not being able to buy anything for himself, when you have a family, you provide for them, and then your needs come second.
    Of course there should be room for an occasional ice cream, and money for the collection basket, but these are things you need to discuss with your husband. Come to an agreement, so you can have a little bit of the money for "fun", and still be able to pay bills, get groceries and stuff. sacrifices have to be made, when families are strugling, and then you have to just say,"well, I won't get my favorite magazine this week," or "well, we won't be going to the movie"
    LilyandEmmasMom

    Answer by LilyandEmmasMom at 5:46 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • Wow, I am sorry to hear your husband lost his job. I imagine he is scared and worried about how to make ends meet. However I do not think that gives him the right to be so controlling and demand you give him all your money and he decide where it all will be spent, and how much gas goes in the car..... He needs to stop being controlling and start treating you like an equal partner in the marriage- and let you help make decisions. I think you should sit him down and talk to him, tell him how you feel.
    I hope all works out, and I hope your husband finds a job soon. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 8:31 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • A man only has as much control over you, as you allow him to have.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 12:29 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

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