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how can i stop cheating on my fiance?

stupid question it may seem...but it is legit. i think a big part of it is that i have a hard time looking to myself for happiness...i really don't know where to start with that one...and also we really do not connect mentally, spiritually or sexually. sex lasts for about 3-5 min...very selfish on his part. i am usually left feeling unsatisfied and annoyed. he does the whole spit on his hand thing...we have 2 kids...so it makes things more complicated. i am not looking for insults, i just need some advice. i really am not happy...but i don't know how much of that is my own fault...i am examining myself and the relationship. this seems to be a pattern. i am bored and he is not doing the job...so i cheat. no justifications here...i know it is wrong. please help me out. i am really struggling with this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Sep. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (24)
  • Why are you marrying someone you clearly don't LIKE, let alone LOVE? His annoying habits aren't going to change. If you can't deal with them now, what makes you think it will all be better once you get married? Do him a favor and cut him loose. Let him find a woman who'll appreciate him for who he is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I think you need to talk to him. Why don't you just end the relationship rather than cheat on him? Its not fair to either one of you to keep going on like you are now.
    fallnangel93

    Answer by fallnangel93 at 3:25 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • get counseling. if you have the time to cheat you have time to get counseling. also... self control on your part. honestly, there is no excuse. you have to just STOP period.
    missbreezy214

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 3:25 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • get therapy to figure yourself out, and if after all that is said and done and you still cant stop and not happy then leave so he can find someone that truly loves him and you can work on yourself for you dont want your kids to see men come and go all the time
    tammyjj

    Answer by tammyjj at 3:30 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I think you should just end the relationship.Then you can sleep around all you want and not feel guilty about it.But it doesn't matter because either way your children are going to be hurt in the long run.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • You are not married to him so it is not cheating if you ask me. A woman has needs. If he won't provide them then I think it's perfectly fine for you to get what you need wherever you can find it. I probably wouldn't marry the man if you are this unhappy though. You might even consider moving on in life so you CAN find happiness from within yourself in the future. Not bashing, just passing on a thought.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:32 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • really... if your not married but in a committed relationship with kids cheating is fine!! sounds like a SLUT logic there
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • You said you don't connect mentally, spiritually or sexually....what's left? I don't think I'd marry someone I didn't connect with in any way. I wouldn't have children with someone I didn't connect with. Since you have kids, it might be good to at least try marriage counseling to see if you can find a way to connect, something must have attracted you to him in the beginning? What was that? And if there was nothing, and you just ended up together for the wrong reasons, you and your kids would probably be better off if you split, work on a parent relationship, and are both happy on your own.

    Why waste your life in an unhappy situation, and why raise your kids in an unhappy situation. You'll have a lot more self respect if you leave and aren't cheating on him than if you stay and continue to cheat. Eventually your kids will know, and they'll have less respect for a cheating mom.
    Good luck.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:39 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • wow...we really seem to have some nast women on this site. i mean anonymous that posted that my children will be hurt in the long run...seriously...you don't know me. i am a fantastic mother. i also have a personal life...my children are not part of that grown-up world. they don't meet any guy that i date or "sleep around with".you are a judgemental snoot. get over yourself. you try having a man that treats you like a maid, cook , sex toy, and ignores your needs. this is not about my skills as a mother. my children are not even in school and they speak spanish and french...and sign language. i do crafts with them. i read to them . i tell them i love them constantly. i crawl around on all fours and pretend to be a horsey. i cook everything organic and from scratch. kiss my ass!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • To stop cheating you have two choices.

    1. Leave him.

    2. Stop cheating.
    abbyg

    Answer by abbyg at 3:44 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

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