Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I put my foot down with my husbands ex?

My husband and his ex-wife have a 7 year old daughter together who we have primary custody of. I have never interfered with my husband and his ex in anyway. I mind my own business and I just take care of the kids like I should, but here recently my husbands ex has been very unfair to my husband and their daughter. Like for example she gets her every other weekend and we are driving an extra 100 miles to meet her to get his daughter when she is only driving 33 miles. We have tried to work this out with her and come to an agreement but she refuses to meet us in the middle. Also she wouldn't let her daughter participate in the cheer clinic last friday night because She would get her an hour later than usual. I am tired of raising a child under her scrutiny when WE have primary custody of her. My husband won't say anything and I am tired of fighting with him about it. Is it wrong to take her back to court to get this figured out?

Answer Question
 
Stephanie.herr

Asked by Stephanie.herr at 4:14 PM on Sep. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Well, unless your DH is willing to ask for modification there is not much that you can do, as a step parent.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 4:16 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • If the daughter want to particiapte in these activities your husband should see that it is intefering with the child's happiness. It is about the child overall. If your husband won't bend there really is nothing you can do. But if he is willing to go the extra step there are options. If there is a court order see if the ex is violating it and, take her to court. If there is none go to a mediator. Or you could just not meet her and see what she does. I am sort of in the same boat where by husband gives his ex girlfriend almost everything she asks and I have no say.
    lackosleep

    Answer by lackosleep at 4:52 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • This is between him and her. You have no rights.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • "This is between him and her. You have no rights. "
    Thats crap.
    Say something to him.
    Happy wife=happy life
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:17 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • nothing you can do about cheer camp, but my guess is she HAS to drive all the way to get her and you have to drive all the way to get her according to the papers. however, tell her you will meet her half way if she will meet you half way.
    trepsica

    Answer by trepsica at 5:38 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • What does your court order say currently about time/place of pick up? How long have you been meeting in this lopsided location?

    Your hubby will have to request a modification to specify a middle location. Then he'll have to stick to his guns and only drive there. If she's not there by x minutes after the appointed meeting time, she's forfeited her visitation. I'm guessing she'll get the message at that point.

    If the middle is already in the court order and your husband's just been a weeny about putting his foot down about meeting there, you have a harder problem. You'll have to have the court basically reiterate itself that that WILL BE the meeting place. It's cheaper for him to start just putting his foot down, though.

    You can also request a modification to have the ex make "every effort" to bring daughter to extracurricular activities. They're only going to get more important as she gets older.

    Good luck!
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 7:06 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • Yes lay down the law with your husband & his ex wife, other wise your going to start feeling like a doormat. If your step daughter wants to do something and it takes an hour away from visiting with her bio, mom too frickin bad for her. maybe she should grow up and think more about her child's wants over her own!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • Yes I think extra curricular activities should come first in her life!! AND I DO BELIEVE IT IS MY BUSINESS SINCE I AM THE ONE RAISING HER! I just don't want to cause hardship between their relationship I just want her to be able to do the things she wants to do. Our court papers say that we meet at a location that is only 33 miles from her home, BUT she used to live further away and it was equal distance...now she moved and it is only 33 miles away. I just don't think it is fair that we are spending approximately $100 more a month when we already take on the entire financial responsibility for her. Everything from doctors to clothing and the stuff in between. Does anyone know if we can just go to the courthouse and file for another court date or if we should get a lawyer and prepare for the worst?
    Stephanie.herr

    Answer by Stephanie.herr at 7:29 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN