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Why does he always threaten to leave us?!?

Everytime my boyfriend and I get into a fight, he says he's going to leave us. He KNOWS I have no way of supporting myself and our daughter and I have nowhere to go. Why does he do this?!?! Does he just do it to make me feel worse? Is it a control thing?? I'm sure if he really DID leave, I'd be able to find somewhere to go but I want to be here with him! I'm NOT OK with a man leaving his family. I understand sometimes things get tough and we fight but come on!! A fight about changing a diaper is NOT a reason to leave!


Asked by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Sep. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Yes,it is a control issue,but,what are you going to do about it,don't wait for him to leave,honey you have to be prepare in case he leave, you are talking about,you want to be with him,please start saving any money you get your hands on,find a daycare for your child,get out and go to school or go find a job,so the next time,he say he is leaving,hand him his walking papers and his suitcase,and let him go,honey ,it's not worth it,letting a man abuse you mentally like this. Good luck to you.


    Answer by lady-t3984 at 9:14 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • sounds immature and that he knows it upsets you so he threatens it b/c he wants to "win" the fight and have you do whatever it is that he wants you to do, or stop doing whatever it is that is making him mad in the first place. it is controlling in a way, he's threatening you with the one thing you are afraid of so that he will get his way. you need to talk to him when you aren't arguing explain that you are tired of his threats to leave over minor issues, and if he really wants to leave, he knows where the door is. faced with the thought that you'll manage with out him and don't NEED him he may just realize how immature he is being about his threat.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 4:26 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I do think it is a control issue. It's his way of reminding you that you had better behave yourself or you will end up alone. Were I in your shoes, I would find myself some place to go and I would leave him. This is not a good situation and unfortunately, it is not likely to get any better. A woman deserves to be loved for who she is and not for how she behaves.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:27 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I definitely think it's a control issue. This is probably one of the things he KNOWS will get you wanting to make up and quick. I don't know him so I don't know whether he'd actually go through with it or not... Maybe you should try to become a little less dependant on him though incase he does!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I have been there. My ex always threatened to leave bt we didnt have any kids so it was not as scary as the situation you are in. It is a total control issue. He wants to be in control and he wants you to realize that you can't make it without him. But you can it is just scary. Have you ever just let him go ahead and leave? That's what I did. He didn't of course but it did take him by surprise. Instead of begging I agreed and he was stunned. He never threatned it again. Every situtation is differant. Only you know what is best for you and your kids but my op is begging for the rest of your life is no way to live. It gives your power to someone else. I wish you and your kids the best of luck. You are right also no man should ever walk out on their family but sometimes you are better off.

    Answer by alilcoy at 4:32 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • He should be glad He is not with me. I would have packed his bags for him and put them out side. He is trying to either tell you that he is about to leave you. Or he is using it to control you. Sense you are not married. You can go get on PA. Or at least go there and see if they will help you with day care and you can get a job.


    Answer by louise2 at 4:37 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • Sounds to me like its a manipulation technique. He knows that you will be screwed with out him so its something he can threaten you with. I say next time he says that tell him to go. If he wants to play that game, play it back. But make sure you have some where to go at least for a few days.

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 4:44 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • It would be easy for one of us to say - a guy that threatens to leave you isn't worth it. Leave him.

    I have three adult sons. The two older treat women great. My youngest son has bipolar disorder. He is 21 and has never had a girlfriend. He homeschooled and has had the usual opportunities. He has a low IQ but has a good job that pays $10. I'm disabled and live with him. If I didn't live with him it would be difficult for me to find another living situation. He just bought a house and I have a nice room, cable, internet, a nice kitchen, and a pool!

    The problem is sometimes he says things to me that I know are abusive. Your boyfriend threatening to leave you is abusive. Twenty years ago women were taught to recognize verbal abuse and to not put up with it and to leave. If you were married you should get divorced. My mother's generation just put up with everything.


    Answer by GailllAZ at 4:48 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I think there is something else we can do when men say bad things. When they are upset there may be no talking to them. It may be best then to just be quiet and try not to listen. I can walk away, I know my son won't hurt me.

    Since my son has bipolar disorder what I try to do is start every day new. Even if something bad happened the day before, it's a new day. Being a single mother with a bipolar teen son had bad days. It's not so bad now.

    When he says something that I think is unfair or hurtful I talk to him about it when everything is calm. He just gave me a hard time for spending $40 at a thrift store. Talking about it the next day he was able to realize how hard I work at being careful with money and I was all excited about what I got and he ruined it. Because he cares about me he will be more careful about not getting upset about money.


    Answer by GailllAZ at 4:56 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • You could talk to your boyfriend about how hurtful it is when he threatens to leave you. About how you don't know what you would do. How much you love him.

    Here is the risk. He might not be able to change. He might not care. He might do it more because he wants to hurt you.

    If he is a guy with poor relationship skills that loves you he will recognize what a jerk he has been and stop.

    Answer by GailllAZ at 5:00 PM on Sep. 20, 2009