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My 23 year old son is getting married and did not invite anyone except his sister to the weeding?

My 23 year old son is getting married on November 14th and he has only invited his sister my daughter to come and she is 26 years old. I find this strange and i do not understand why he is not want me or his father there on his big day. Although i think he is making a mistake because this girl is very abusive to him and i do not think she is a right choice. I want to be there on my son's wedding day even if i do think he is making a bad choice i have only talked to him about it once. And my son has not come to visit myself or his father since he moved out when he was 18. And i do not understand what we have done to be cut out like this. He won't return phone call's for nothing. How can i fix whatever it is he is mad at me for? How can i approach him about this and try and mend it?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Sep. 20, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (30)
  • It's easy to think we know, my sons are 17, 20 & 26. My oldest calls several times a week, & all 3 boys have always enjoyed & participated in family things..the middle son that had the issue with the girlfriend has a girlfriend now who participates in our family events, comes over several times a week, no one who knows our son, & our family could believe what happened when it did.

    5 years is a long time, but then my father cut his entire family siblings, children, etc., out of his life because of a woman for 20 years. It does happen, and it isn't always caused by the people being cut out of someone's life.

    It's easy to judge & to believe that something couldn't happen to us, until we experience it. I just don't think we should be so hard on this mom, without knowing all of the circumstances. I don't know her & I don't know what happened. Without knowing the situation, she's been bashed pretty hard, & she's clearly in pain

    Answer by ohwrite at 5:39 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Mom, it sounds like you have made your intense dislike of his fiance quite obvious. It is likley you are not invited because of this. I am the Mother of sons, believe me I totaslly understand feeling deep in your heart that the relationship is a mistake. Unfortunately, voicing that opinion in too strong a way will often alienate them from you. I hope in time you can all be reunited. In the meantime, call and leave a message telling him you love him and you miss hearing from him and that you will be there when he is ready to talk.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:55 PM on Sep. 20, 2009

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. My boys are 17, 20 & 26. We've gone through some tough stuff with the oldest, & a little bit with the 20 year old, but he seems to have gotten it together a lot faster. I don't always handle these things well with my kids.

    I think I would try writing him a letter. 1 without judgment....which is hard for us to do as mother's when we're so used to trying to teach our kids what's right & wrong. I'd just tell him how much you love him, the good things you think of when you think about him & his childhood. I'd tell him how much you want to share his life, that you'd like to work things out with him, that whether you're perfect or not, whether he's perfect or not, you're his parents & love him.

    I don't know if the girl is instigating the rift between you, but if you think she is, you might send it to him somewhere that she can't intercept it, or through your daughter if she doesn't mind.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:02 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Ask your daughter why.

    Answer by 07upsydaisy at 12:10 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • I understand your pain. My step daughter will be having her 3 yr anniversary on the 23rd. She never told us she was getting married. I heard through the grapevine that she was getting married so I had a hunch to call a few bridal shops and asked about my step daughter. I found the one shop she was going through and they said my step daughter's file didn't have any parents listed for the bridal party.
    Then the morning of the wedding my step daughter's cousin calls and asks where my husband is because his daughter is getting married. I told her there wasn't an invitation sent and he was out hunting. Oh there was words!
    Then to top off things my step daughter had a baby 18 months ago and never called about that.
    Some kids never grow up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Well if she is abusive I can see why they aren't calling you ..she is probably controlling and telling him who can and can't go to the wedding. Some crazy women have THAT much control! If I were you ...I'd find a way to get to him and speak to him one on one without her there!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:40 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Have you already told him that marrying her is a bad or stupid choice? I went out and married my high school boyfriend and my parents hated him and made no effort to conceal that fact. One reason I found him absolutely wonderful. And I was 22 at the time. Got divorced 2 years later. If they know you dislike her why would they invite you to the wedding so when asked does anyone object to this union you pop up and say OOOH, me.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 7:56 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Have you seen your son since he moved out 5 yrs ago? You said he hasn't come to visit you, but that isn't the same thing as not seeing him or talking to him. If you have had no contact, then who are you to say anything about his current relationship? Are you just going by gossip?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • wow, you sound like my MIL. I would not want you to my wedding either. it is his choice he want to marry.

    Answer by savannahnhi at 8:28 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • My 20 year old daughter got married and didn't tell anyone until afterwards. Oh well. It's her life to live. not mine.

    Answer by mirandar2001 at 8:32 AM on Sep. 21, 2009