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why is it ok for them to say?

Long story short my son's father has never been there. He goes in and out of our son's life. I decided I've had enough and am trying to get his visitation revoked. His family tells me how I am a typical white woman. I heard enough tonight and sai you are a stereotypical black man who has children and doesn't take care of them. I was so mad bit they told me I'm talking about a culture I know nothing about. Why is it ok for them to say things about my race?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Sep. 21, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (11)
  • It isn't. And it isn't okay for you to stereotype his either.
    good luck revoking his visitation. sounds like he's not going to back down and it sounds like you are trying to take something away from him that he does seem to use.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • It isn't right for either party to say anything about race. I am in an interracial relationship and we have kids but neither of us or our families would ever say that. And I pray for them if they do cuz it wouldn't be pretty. But why revoke his rights? Why not go to court get a clear visitation plan set out with child support, etc? I don't get it, but then again there are probably more details you haven't stated. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • OP here actually he agreed to it. He hasn't seen his son for two months and has visitation. I'm not taking anything away. I just won't let him run in and out of our son's life. I know I shouldn't have said it. I just get tired of hearing it

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • OP here again for anon :23 we do have a visitation schedule and support already set but he doesn't pick up our son. He hasn't picked him up for 2 months. Some months it's once a month, sometimes none, sometimes three. He's been more absent than there and had asked 3x before to sign over his rights

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Typical crap. Black people (most I've met anyway) come out of their mouths really quickly with "white this and white that" BUT never can ever handle something being said stereotypically about them. It's total BS! Revoke his custody, it's not important to him anyway. This is probably his mom or his new gf pushing for this. They can say whatever they want (in their minds) like we owe them something. I don't owe not a one of them ANYTHING. I was not even a sperm in my father's testicle. I have never owned a slave and never should be treated as I have. They (these type of people) think everything should be handed to them. I say, EFF THAT, maybe this will make him care more and he will finally start doing his part, but I doubt it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Neither side is right to say things about the other person's race. When they tell you that you're talking about a culture that you know nothing about, then you tell them that they're doing the same when they attack your race. That tolerance and respect goes both ways.

    Also, point out to them that as the mother / other relatives of children who belong to both races, you should be working together towards understanding and acceptance, for the kids sake if nothing else!

    Now, if the father is a deadbeat who isn't visiting his kids or providing support or anything, I can see wanting to address it. But, just because HE isn't, maybe his family still want to see the kids. Do you think that might be part of their problem - thinking you want to keep the kids from them, when they aren't the ones that aren't stepping up as far as the kids go?

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:27 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • OP here his sister told me I am a single mom by choice. She said you wouldn't expect a sperm donor to support the child. You are no different. You are a typical white woman who got pregnant by a black guy.

    How ignorant. I did not go to a sperm bank. I was with his father in a relationship. Our son was not planned but I am doing the best I can here. I've just had enough

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • your child has a right to his/her father. regardless of how the father is except in abusive situations. Don't bother with him, if he comes he comes , if he doesn't he doesn't. Live your life and.. get away from the drama. meaning dont' lend an ear to everything you hear and minimize your contact to the needs of the child. white men dont' take care of their kids either . i don't think there is sterotyping in the truth. if you don't take care of your child's needs in all ways .. then you are a deadbeat and it doesn't matter what race you are or where you come from.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:13 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • i just read the comment about what the sister said. She is ignorant! girl, quit talking to them about You and the Father. Don't tell them what your needs are in terms of the father. like needing him to see his son or money for this or that. just keep it updating them on the kids doings, happenings and if they want to see him they can, if they don't skin off your back. I had to do this with my kids family. i basically only stuck to speaking about the kids saved me alot of drama.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • It isn't okay for them to say that and I understand you were angry and upset when they said that so you retaliated back with the same stereotype. But deeply, it's just feelings towards him and when you're angry with you child's father you'll say anything to make them hurt like you do. Believe me, I know. I've said everything from using the fact his parents divorced against him , just to make him feel the same way I did.

    But, if he isn't taking part of your child's life the way he should, he needs to realize he can't play daddy when it's convenient for him and no one else. Try the softer approach and let him know what he's missing in the child's life. For example, when he calls to say he's picking him up next or just call to let him know what exciting things your child did lately.

    Good luck and if you want to talk pm me, i know how it is and I can help you bring about a better approach. =]

    Answer by zeroblivion at 5:33 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

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