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My three year old dd does NOT listen to me EVER!! I know that a big part of the problem is me. I get so frustrated and don’t have the patience to deal with her that I give in after she screams long enough. She hits kicks bites screams and whines literally ALL day long. And I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not exaggerating how bad she is. I have been thinking about looking into taking her to some kind of doctor or therapist....I do not want to take her to her primary care doctor because we have a really horrible HMO and all of the doctors SUCK and there is nothing we can do about it until we can switch insurance next year. So if anyone has any suggestions on something I can do...something like a family therapy or something...please help me!! I am in Portland, OR

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:55 AM on Sep. 21, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • its called put your foot down! theres nothing wrong with her,your letting her have her way and what is she gonna do if you say no? scream.its normal just start being firm and you will see the difference,she sound like a normal 3 year old she dont need a doctor she needs a mom to tell her no more often.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • OP HERE-- I HAVE TRIED SO HARD!!! I feel like I am going crazy.....I am having such a hard time and i have no help. I try so hard to be firm with her and it doesn't work. I don't know what to do anymore.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • The problem is she is conditioned. Everytime she acts like a little brat you give in. You need to stop giving in. She hits, kicks, and bites...make her feel bad about it. Start crying and saying how bad it hurts. My ex's stupid brother used to come by the house to see my daughter, he would cuss all the time and she picked up on it. Well, my husband one day started to cry and told her he wouldn't talk to her if it kept up. She has stopped.

    Answer by OneToughMami at 3:33 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • thank you for all the advice but, the problem is that i have tried and tried to do it on my own and the problem is that i feel like i am at a point that i can't do it myself. that's the problem. even if it is my fault i need help other than people just telling me "stop giving in" I know that but when i get to the point where i want to pull my hair out which happens like 50 times a day i can't handle it. So how do you get patience? how do you stop feeling like you want to cry all day everyday because you can't handle it? My mom told me i needed to see a therapist and i have been but, i don't feel like it is helping.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Have you considered taking a parenting class--- the reason I suggest it is they might have tips or strategies to try that might work in setting rules and breaking her of her behavior. Plus alot of times they can be a good support sytem (other parents there with the same problem/s).
    You may want to think about a child therapist to evaluate her behavior and see if they have any ideas on how to deal with this- and what to do to stop the behavior.
    It is difficult and frustrating to deal with a child who will not listen, and who screams all the time.
    My 2 younger boys used to be 'hell on wheels' and I had days like that. The best 'advice' I can give is just try to be firm, try to be consistant and remember "This too shall pass" (as my late grandma used to tell me).
    I hope everything gets better- good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 8:17 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • I agree with the above posters. Also remove the artificial colors & flavors, high fructose corn syrup, and excess sugars (including fruit juice) from her diet. Within a few days you will see a difference in behaviors. Cut out as much processed food as possible. Feed her whole foods.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 9:05 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • i dont think its you parenting i'm sure you are a wonderful mother. Have you tried time outs? Everytime my daughter asks for something and i tell her no and she wines i tell her that mommy said no and that if she continues to wine i'm going to put her in time out. Or sometimes she just needs to cry and wine so you can try to ignore her and she will eventually stop most of the time they do it for attention so if you ignore her she will see its not going to work. There could also be something wrong with her and it would hurt to maybe try therapy. and just try to be more patient and good luck.

    Answer by AWebber212 at 9:08 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Like a previous poster said, I think she's conditioned to continue these rants of bad behavior because she knows you will give in if she _____'s (screams, cries, hits, kicks, etc) long enough. I think if you can commit to about 3 days of holy hell, you can fix this. Those 3 days will be really crappy. Knowing it will likely only be 3 days will give you the strength to keep going! Start saying "NO" to her, when she pitches a fit, pick her up and take her to her room telling her that when she stops whatever it is she is doing and has calmed down, she can come out. You might have to strip her room of anything she can tear up. Put up a baby gate so you can keep en eye on her and then walk away. Go listen to your ipod or something with headphones so you aren't tempted to give in. She will scream her head off, and you need to do something to keep your sanity so you don't give in again. When she calms down, let her out and do (cont)

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 10:11 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • something really fun as a form of positive reinforcement. Say "I love it when you aren't screaming, hitting" etc and give her a big hug and kiss. Make playdough, dance, play tag, whatever she will really, really enjoy. As soon as she starts the bad behavior, do it all over again. Once she gets the idea that being in her room alone is a lot less fun than behaving herself, she'll stop. You'll have those 3 days or so of pure hell and you'll need to think of ways to help you keep your cool (deep breathing, counting to 10, or 100 ;-)), but trust me, it will be so worth it in the long run. You will enjoy her so much more and you will get the boost of feeling like a competent and effective parent. You will feel good after the first battle, better after the second, and even better after the third, and so on. Just remember, YOU can do this! You are not alone. Keep us posted on what you decide and what happens.

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 10:20 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • I am a single mom with a toddler adjusting to daycare, mama working full time out of the home, and a move. She is also potty training (her choice) and weaning (also her choice). I know where you are coming from.

    I give myself mommy time outs. Im a smoker, so I step outside and just tune her out for a few mins. Stop giving in. When she does cry and scream, take her to her room, and quietly tell her that when she can stop screaming, she can come and speak with you. I always check after 2-3 mins and ask DD, "are you done throwing a fit? Would you like a hug?" If she keeps crying, I close the door and repeat until she stops.

    Stop giving in. When she throws fits because you won't give in, walk away. If she whines, tell her, " I don't understand what you're saying. You need to use your words." When she bites, cry and tell her it hurts. show her your "boo-boo" and ask her to kiss it better. My DD never fails to cont.

    Answer by epoh at 12:28 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

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