Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moral Convictions...How would you handle this?

On the Today Show, this morning was a couple whom were implanted with the wrong embyos. They were given 2 options, terminate the pregnancy, or carry the pregancy to term. The couples moral convictions, and to teach their 3 children at home, about moral convictions...they chose to carry the child, and at time of Birth relinquish the child to the couple whom it rightfully belongs to. I am asking ALL of us in the triad...Would you wish to remain in contact with the parents whom carried your child? I, as a Firstmom, having to relinquish, would most certainly wish to, if those parents, and their children wanted too! JMHO, what are your thoughts? Please ANONS, whom only wish to incite trouble, don't bother!

Answer Question
 
ceejay1

Asked by ceejay1 at 9:58 AM on Sep. 21, 2009 in Adoption

Level 15 (2,298 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • That would be a hard one for me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • It reminds me of the case in SW Virginia a few years ago of the 2 newborn baby girls who were switched at birth in a 'mistake' by hospital staff. That was a heartbreak story for all the families. :(
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 10:30 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • No I dont' think I would want to stay in contact. It's not the same as adopting your own child out. It would be difficult yes, but I would probably just want to get on with my life and let that family get on with theirs
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:52 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Zakysmommy, I thought that too, then I was taken back to the actual experience of being pregnant, and singing to my child, talking to my child, rubbing my tummy, while listening to ALL kinds of music, feeling the movements, and wondering what my baby was feeling...all while inside me, then falling in love, once I held "my' baby. WOW, what an emotional roller-coaster! Even knowing the child itself was not mine biologically, how much love one has for the child growing inside! When I finally gave birth to my children, I felt as if I had known and loved them for almost a whole year! Imagine how hard it will be, to say hello, knowing you must now say good-bye, and knowing that all you were trying to do, was have another child! This most certainly would be a test of ones moral convictions...would it not? Blessings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 11:12 AM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • I think we need to really dig down deep and examine our reasons for feeling that in once circumstance it matters, and another it doesn't.

    I wrote one answer and then didn't submit it because I really needed to think about it more.

    So....if I say that in cases of adoption that it IS important to the adoptee to have access to both families that were part of their life (no matter how brief the stay with one or the other), then THAT should hold true for cases that aren't adoption related.

    A child is a child - children at times are not able to be with their family of origin for a variety of reasons (natural disasters, wars, illness of a parent, illness of their own that requires separation, etc).

    Making the effort to maintain the connections for the sake of the child should be what's important -if the child at some point believes that they want both in their lives that should be an option.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 12:27 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • I wouldn't want to stay in contact. I think it would be more confusing for the child.
    jillybean6781

    Answer by jillybean6781 at 12:30 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Feel sorry for them both:

    It looks like the facility who did this will take responsibility and are paying for a surrogate to carry the correct embryos . In theory, those embryos should have at least the same chance at survival as they would have if they were carried by the genetic parent. (maybe better when you consider that surrogates are usually younger and have healthy pregnancies). Hopefully she will have her child through surrogacy.

    The Bio Mother missed out on the experience of being pregnant, (this may have been her one and only embryo) her right to nurture (what to eat, etc) the pregnancy the way she wanted to, and possibly the financial element of being pregnant (if employed). Also, some are very private about IVF and now everyone will know.

    The woman who carried was told this was her last chance to be pg.

    Sad story.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • I dont think they need to keep in touch any more than a traditonal surrogate keeps in touch. Some will some wont.

    The person who carried has no genetic link to that child and carrying the child is not "raising" the child. They will never know whether the bio mother could have carried this pregnancy and that may have a lot to do with it. If I was someone who miscarried several times I may look at this as God's crazy way of bringing my child to me. If I am 25 yrs old with male factor infertility in my first round of IVF, I may simply feel like I was robbed of being able to do something I could have done.

    Every case is different.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Seems to be a lot of answers from the perspectives of the "mothers"

    What about the right of the child to know their origins if that's what matters to them?

    I guess that's the challenge I have with surrogacy and sperm/embryo donations......it provides a child for people wanting to parent but often leaves the child with little to no information about the "who" behind how they came to be.

    Even when the surrogate carrying is not contributing her own genetic material (egg) there is a carring for, a bonding that occurs that imprints on the child. What about if for that child, it matters to be able to meet and know the woman who carried him/her? Isn't that reason enough to gather the information to connect if down the line that is what the child wants?
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 12:59 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

  • Port, this is one of the many thoughts, that came to my own mind( after my 3rd cup of coffee, and rewound to hear the story 3 times!) The look on the couples face whom is about to give birth in about 3 weeks, was so dis-heartening..for lack of a better word. I almost cried. I thought...what will this child think...what will the couples 14 yr old, 12 yr old, and 1 1/2 yr old think of all this now and later?????? This IS so sad, and my heart aches for all involved. I do think though that the couple still has a few embyos left, and for now, cannot even think about ...when or ...what they will do further down the road. All their thoughts and energy are being spent worrying about the birth of this child, and how to say good-bye, and more importantly...how it will effect their children at home! Thanks to evrybody for taking this as serious as it deserves to be, I just needed to know how "we' all would deal with this:) C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 1:11 PM on Sep. 21, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN