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Would you stop being my friend..

.. if my 20 month old smacked your child with a sippy cup? My son is going through a hitting stage and we are trying to control.
Anyway, he whacked my friends little girl (same age) with his sippy cup. My friend got REALLY upset, left the room for about 10 minutes and when she came down I asked how she was doing and apologized again. She didn't speak to me for a few moments and it got really uncomfortable. We left and it was a week before I heard from her. I asked if everything was ok and she said it was just "upsetting to see Kailyn get hit like that" Ok fine I agree and I apologized. But she needs to realize that he didn't do it on purpose and kids that age do that sometimes. But we have not gotten together in almost a month for playdates. We usually speak once a week and email constantly. We also got together for playdates once a week. The tone has changed in our emails and on the phone. What the heck???

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Asked by BurgMom43 at 3:01 PM on Sep. 22, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • Maybe you can get together without the kids like for a girl's night out.

    Answer by sweetmom1007 at 3:05 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • I guess it depends if this is the first time or if it has happened a few times. If I felt playdates were stressful and I had to watch out for my dd all the time and my friend wasnt discipling then I would stop playdates, if it was a one time thing and you handled it then i would still be friends with you.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:09 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Just the lioness in her protecting her cub.
    I would still be your friend though, in answer to your question. :]
    My son also has a friend, who's a little over a month older than he is. He's gotten bit and slapped by him, and although the first time, I was really upset... I got over it. I realized that he didn't mean to do it, they're just little babies duking it out. It probably won't be the last time he'll get hit - god knows kids are soo friendly in the playground! :P I know I was a bully. Har har.
    Just let her know that you know she's still really upset, and you can understand why, no one wants to see their child hit. By anyone. Their age or not. You're really working on his hitting stage, and you can understand if she doesn't want playdates for a while, but you hope that it hasn't changed your relationship. It wasn't meant to be on purpose, and you're sorry.
    Then leave it at that. It's in her court now. Good luck. *hugs*

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 3:09 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • No one wants to see their kid get hurt, but accidents happen, she shouldn't stop being your friend b/c of that, you two need to sit and talk this over and be friends again. And listen to each other.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 3:10 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • A 20-month old should be disciplined for hitting another child with his sippy cup or with anything else. By that age, children understand the word "no" quite well, if they have been taught it. I am very saddened that so many young mothers do not understand that training a child begins very early, around the age of 8 or 9 months, as soon as they begin to crawl and exercise their own motives and desires. I would not be at all surprised that the fact you didn't discipline your child for his unacceptable behavior is really what upset your friend. Because you didn't, she is afraid it will happen again, and it's a legitimate concern.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:10 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Yep a one time thing! Kind of makes me sad to think she feels negativity towards me b/c of this situation!

    Answer by BurgMom43 at 3:10 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • she's going to have to realize thats an age appropriate behavior. they're learning consequences. they throw food. why? bc they just want to see what happens. same with hitting. its just something that they've learned. my lil bro did same to sister and gave her a fat lip. you didnt tell him to do it, so its not your fault. like said above maybe get together without kiddos and talk to her.

    Answer by AmandaN1 at 3:11 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • NannyB what makes you think I am a young mom. I discipline my 20 month old as well as my 4 1/2 year old.
    Just b/c I did not type it in my question does not mean I didn't do it.
    I forgot this is Cafe Mom and you have to choose your words very carefully.

    Answer by BurgMom43 at 3:12 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • I think it would depend on how you handled it. Your son is very young, but should still start understanding that there are consequences for his actions. I assume that you told him not to hurt others, but did you make him do a time out? or discipline in any way? Even at his age he needs to start having consequences. If you did these things, or some reasonable discipline, then she shouldn't be that upset, her child will do things wrong too. One of my sons went through a hitting stage, & to be honest, when he did that I would reprimand him for his behavior, thank my hostess & let my son know that if he can't place nice playtime was over, & we would go home for naptime. I didn't really like to discipline in front of people, but I did want the child he hit & their parent to know I took it seriously and that he would have consequences.

    If you followed through with discipline & she's that upset, you may not want to be friends.

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:13 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • "If you followed through with discipline & she's that upset, you may not want to be friends"

    Yep and that's what I don't get I feel I did everything I could in that situation.

    Answer by BurgMom43 at 3:15 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

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