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I need help with my daughter...

my daughter needs to learn how to go up to people and make friends her shyness wont let her do it.if the girls say hi and talk to her first she will answer . but shes never the one to go up to them first and that bothers me. and she looses so many friends that way. I tried talking to her myself all she saids is " yeah,your right, okay. But thats all. I need some suggestions to make it easier for her. she's too old for this anymore. she's 13 yrs.old.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:10 PM on Sep. 22, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • She's not too old. I'm 23 and still shy, and pushing her is only going to make it worse. Being shy is not the greatest thing, but for me, it showed who my true friends were and we've been friends for nearly 10 years now. Let her be. If you must, try getting her into things she's unterested in....clubs and such. But dont force her.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 5:19 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • try to find some activities that she enjoys doing and get her in a program she will be more willing to open up to other kids if she sees they have some similar interest my mom had the same problem with me i was very shy and then she got me into a craft club with other kids my age and it made a difference
    mom2kaydence09

    Answer by mom2kaydence09 at 5:18 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Try this book, it really helped my daughter.
    'How to Make Friends and Influence People For Teen Girls" by Dale Carnegie and Associates, INC. I am sure you can get it off of ebay or amazon. I even read it occassionally.

    Good luck.
    bellasrose71008

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 5:19 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • I used to be like that too. I was a follower, no self confidence, no self esteem, didn't think I had anything worth talking about and I had GREAT parents so it was all how I internally felt about myself. I cared TOO much about what others thought of me and was embarressed to even talk. I am now being treated for social anxiety but that doesn't mean she has a "diagnosis" - it could just be her nature.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:25 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • You need to leave her to her own devices and let her learn that on her own. I know you are concerned and it probably breaks your heart to see that she's having trouble making friends. It can be difficult to watch your kids struggling socially; however, she needs to sort this one out on her own. Chances are that she'll grow out of it and you wont have to say a word. I think the important thing for you to do as a mother is to make sure she feels good about herself. Give her compliments, make sure that she's wearing outfits that she likes, take her out to get her nails done, etc. You may also try getting her involved in extra cirricular activities.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 5:32 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Sometimes people are born shy, it is a trait just like being outgoing. Your DD might just be that type. Nothing wrong with it.

    If it is self esteem issues, you can help her but dont push, the book mentioned above might help.

    But like I said, if she is shy in nature you cant change that, if she doesnt like who she is and has low self esteem, you can help her improve. Dance, art, etc. might help bring her out of it. GL...
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 5:50 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • If you push her she will get stressed and retreat inward more. I am almost 40 and still shy. Being a parent and active at school, work, and church has helped it alot. Get her involved in something she enjoys. She needs to be supported. Most friendships don't last anyway. It isn't important to have alot of friends, but to have at least one true friend that she can talk to.
    ysmeine

    Answer by ysmeine at 7:47 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Thank you to all you moms . you all did make me feel somewhat better in telling me that its nothing too serious for me to worry about. I guess by what you all told me its not as bad as I thought. (maybe it was me who had a problem with my daughter's shyness. )
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 8:57 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • My son wants me to give his shy sister "Dad's talk". Dad doesn't remember what the wisdom was, but my son swears it changed his life. Finally, this weekend my son filled me in on "the rules".
    1) smile at everyone - really, EVERYONE, and not a cheesy fake grin.
    2) look people in the eye, and look for longer than you are comfortable.
    3) pay attention to what a person is saying. Truly listen and look interested & engaged
    My son says practicing this made life at school 100% better. He insists that I teach it to his sister who isn't enjoying school and isn't finding friends to do things with after school.
    cutiemoose

    Answer by cutiemoose at 8:58 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

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