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Would you believe your 16 year old son's girlfriend if she told you your son self harms?

Today i went and picked my son and his girlfriend up from school because she is our next door neighbor. And well when i pulled in my son went ahead and went into the house to get started on his homework. Well she told me she needed to talk to me and i said OK and she told me my son self harms he cut's himself. And i asked her how she knew and she said the signs. We live in Florida and right now our highs our in the mid to upper 90's and she told me don't i notice him wearing long sleeve shirts and hoodys. And now that i think of it he does all the time and she told me that when they had sex for the first time over the weekend. He had all of these cuts all over his arms and abdomen area and in his groin area. I am not even sure were to go from here i am in shock but i am worried but at the same time i am skeptical of what she has told me. What should i do with him? How do i even approach him about something like this? Advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on Sep. 22, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • you need to get him help. she has no reason to lie, especially since she just told you she had sex with him. why would she even toss that out there unless she was concerned about him. she is probably afraid on how she should approach the subject and afraid for him, so shes leaving it to you the adult and mom to take care of. be happy he has someone who cares enough about him to risk her relationship with him so he can get help. i wouldn't mention that you had any clues from her, she cares about him, so when he is getting help she can be there for him to lean on etc if he doesn't want to talk to you about it he'll probably go to her.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 2:49 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • I think I'd believe her. Why would she lie, being his girlfriend and next door neighbor? I did this while I was younger and my parents just simply asked me, when I denied it, they asked to see my arms. There wasn't no way out of it then. Then they talked with me about it, found out why I did it, what triggered the urges etc. and how to help it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • It happens more then most parents think. He really needs you to just be there for him. Sometimes as we get older our parents tend to think we need space, which we all do but sometimes it is to much. Parents need to make sure they try and make an effort to make sure their children know they care everyday. When your a teen, I am sure you will remember, you go thru alot and all handle it different. It can be to intense and cutting is a way of getting everything off the mind. The pain of the body kind of replaces emotional pain. It can become an addiction because the mind in turn thinks of that as the only way to make itself feel better. I wouldn't totally disregard her concern, you would be surprised how many parents think "no, not my child" and then come to find it true when they hurt themself really bad. Best thing to do, is find a way to talk to him. Ask him how things are going and how he is feeling.

    Answer by jroseh68 at 6:34 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • I'd believe her. She has no reason to lie to you. Especially after divulging that they had sex.. that took guts. It's a very prominent thing these days all three of my younger brothers and sisters were cutters and apparently it's a new culture with high school kids. It's a very serious thing and a lot of times kids cut together. My sister almost died from cutting. Her and her boyfriend were cutting together and they had to call an ambulance she cut herself so bad. So look at his friend and girlfriend, are they dressing the same way? are they acting the same way? This is definitely something to bring up with him. Ask him if he does it, if he does way and go from there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • And would like to say I am not saying you are not in his life enough, because that isn't always the case so please don't take what I said personally. Don't come on full strong and ask him if he is because that will cause a problem. Make him uncomfortable, and not want to talk. Try doing fun things to help relieve pressure or stress on him, like take him to an arcade, find a day ever week or two that you spend with him. Find out what may be causing him stress or pain by asking questions like how have things been going or has everything been going okay with you? It is something hard to approach one about.

    Answer by jroseh68 at 6:39 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • I would go to him and just tell him to take his shirt off. Why would his GF lie about this?

    Answer by louise2 at 6:41 PM on Sep. 22, 2009


    Here is a link to understand the situation more... the more you learn the easier it will be to approach your son. Good luck and I hope all goes well with your son.

    Answer by jroseh68 at 6:50 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Kids don't lie about self harming. My grandson is a cutter. It's due to emotional issues. Take the boy in for a school physical (or tell him that's what it's for). The doctor will make him disrobe and you will know for sure. They only cut when they are upset. Find the root of his stress or depression or take him to a therapist. You cannot deal with this alone. It's serious.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:50 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • believe her and take it seriously, set up a physical for him, and explain to the doctor what your concerns are and he (or she) can recommend a good psychiatrist for him one that deals especially with this kind of issue,
    I am a former cutter and to this day i fight the urge (and sometimes fail miserably) to cut myself it is serious and you all need help.

    Answer by elananme at 7:04 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • I would take her seriously, and comfront your son with it, then get him help.

    Answer by older at 7:12 PM on Sep. 22, 2009