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I can't stand his kids! Heck, I can't stand him right now, either!

My SO has 2 other children, 6 and 3, besides our 3 month old together. I absolutely cannot stand being around them. I dread their weekends with us (every other weekend visitation). They are undisciplined, unsocialized, & just very difficult to be around. SO and I disagree on discipline; he's very laid back & wants them to learn things on their own.

He lets the 6 year old climb on the counters to get cups and bowls or whatever. I think she should ask permission and at least be supervised when doing this & he's actually said "she'll learn the 1st time she falls."

He turned the temp on the water heater down because he doesn't want the 3 year old burning himself in the tub when playing with the faucet. My argument was: why isn't he in there playing with the boy while he's in the tub!!

I have put my foot down & refused to pick up after the kids now (since he doesn't make them do it & he doesn't do it himself.) ..con't...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:55 PM on Sep. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Their laundry has piled up for the last 3 MONTHS!! They have nothing to wear. I've found their bath towels all over the place. SO won't get up with them when they wake up in the morning & tells them to go play in their room. I'm tired of doing everything around here for them & him.

    Sorry this is so jumbled but I'm confused right now on how I feel about him. I don't know how to deal with the kids & I really don't know how to bring up the subject with SO. Has anybody else had problems with SO's kids, disagreements about said kids, & a plainly lazy SO? I haven't mentioned the fact that he doesn't really help out with our 3 month old (wont get up during the night because I need to wake him, etc). When he comes home from work he doesn't seem happy to see us...there's just a lot. Any advice and support would be appreciated! If it's too confusing, I can clarify!! lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:59 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • I imagine you knew about all this before you Started living with him and decided to have a baby with him? Seance you are not married to him. Just leave him and move on with your life.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:01 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • How about YOU and your little one taking a vacation with a relative for awhile and see how he likes it without you there? sounds like he has a live in maid and that's what he wants. A relationship isn't always 50/50 but this isn't even 90/10. It's time for him to grow up and become a responsible adult...will he even talk about it rationally? If not, I'd start re-thinking the relationship. Once you commit to this, you will have to accept him as he is if he isn't willing to change. If you stay and nothing changes, this is what you will be doing in 5, 10 years.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 7:03 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Welcome to the next 18 yrs of your life :-/

    I'm sorry you're in this situation, but really --- you should've seen his parenting style & not had a child with him if you disagree with it so much.

    There's really not much you can do in this situation. His kids, his rules. What it ultimately comes down to is this: Learn to love it or leave it. You could try to make him change --- but it won't work. He's got to want to change all on his own, & it doesn't sound like he's the least bit interested.

    At least now you know why he's divorced! LOL (I'm sorry... I know it's not funny... but still...)
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 7:04 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • It sounds like your both lazy! They are 3 and 6 you knew when you married him he had other children. If you can't handle it don't make the children suffer just don't be together. Maybe if he is on his own he will get the point. If you stay with him keep pushing him to help but you can't stop helping those children. Grow up!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:05 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • It sounds like HE is the problem, not the kids.
    They can't be blamed for running wild when their father LETS them. They are just children after all.
    Gealach

    Answer by Gealach at 7:09 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • OP here--Wasn't looking for a bashing here, though I appreciate everyone's honesty. Our son together was a surprise and we have tried to work it out like the adults we are. I don't just want a 'baby daddy' to use that horrid term. I really want us to work out, and I hope as the kids get older, it'll be easier. I'm just looking for a bit of support on how best to approach these kinds of subjects with the SO. I know I'm not the only one who has been through something like this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • OP Again... I certainly don't blame the children, PLEASE don't take it that way...I"m sorry if I alluded to that. I treat them like my own and I do not neglect them. They have no discipline from their mother either and I won't even get started on their nanny and her son.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Unfortunately, it won't get any better as they get older unless SO steps up and puts down the rules...as they get older, they will only make bigger messes for you to clean. As for 'baby daddy', don't stay just to keep from that happening...if he can't compromise or even "be a dad" then it's better for your child to not be living there. You have to do what's best for your baby even if that means making the hard choices.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 7:18 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • One other thing...if SO doesn't lay down the rules, what happens when these kids are 14-16 and start having sex, doing drugs, running all hours of the night and won't listen to him when he starts setting rules? he hasn't made any guidelines for them now so by the time they get to that age, they will be used to doing what they want when they want, and dad will have no control over that. For the kids' sake, he needs to give them some structure and authority over them or when they get older, he will not have their respect to make them mind.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 7:21 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

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