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I'm scared

I worry that dh only stays with me because of dd (1month old) we moved in together when I was a month along and I can't keep house at all. on top of that I don't look the same as prebaby. I'm not just talking about my weight. when I met dh I had to dress up for work, but now my only job is raising 2 kids (i have a 3 year old from a previous relationship) well since all I do all day is get peed, pooped and spit up on I tend to look like crap. my house is always messy and I don't know how to clean it. how can I keep a man when I can't even keep myself/my home presentable?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Sep. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • It is hard to keep up appearances with a new baby plus the house. But if you're really worried, get out and start walking with a double stroller, pick one area to clean in the house each day and that will make you feel a little better.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:46 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • First of all, don't feel bad. We've all been there. When it comes to the house, eliminate all the clutter (as much as you can.) Designate places for toys (maybe in their room, playroom, etc.) Try to keep toys out of the important places. Then just take a day, and get things in order (again, as much as you can.) Once you get it all in order, you'll be able to keep up with it better. As far as appearance, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you're beautiful, and your husband loves you for who you are. You can work things off (weight, etc.) and you can always try to make an effort, to prepare yourself to look descent when he walks through the door (hair brushed, teeth brushed, dressed, maybe a dash of make up, etc.) It doesn't have to be extravagant, just something to make yourself feel better. We've all been there, and there will be days when the house will be a mess, and you won't look so great, but....CONT....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • CONT....But, it will all be OK. Try making a schedule that will work for you. Time out meals, naps, feedings, cleanings, cooking, etc. If you write it all out, it tends to make things a little easier. And I think that you should talk to your husband, and explain to him how you are feeling. I'm sure he doesn't feel that way, and talking to him about your feelings, will really help how you feel. Don't worry Mommy, you're beautiful, and we've all been there. You'll get it all together :D Hang in there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • I'm sooo sorry you are going through this. My DS was only 1yr old when DD was born. It is very hard,I was depressed all the time ..crying and all. Do you have symptoms of depression?? If so, you must get help immediately. If not, is there any way you can get someone to come clean your house,maybe once a week. That's what we did. Hey I rather sacrifice a pair of shoes, and still keep my sanity. : ). Just smile mama..your kids depend on you. As for your hubby, does he help you out at all?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • You are not stupid. Figure it out. If something is not in it's place then pick it up and put it away. If something is dirty then wash it. That thing with the hose is a vacuum. Read the instructions. If you see little spots of dust on furniture then get a rag and wipe them off. If all else fails then either ask mom how to clean house or ask him or see if they have Housekeeping for Dummies book at the library. I bet if he gave you money you'd know how to spend it. How did you learn that? BY DOING IT. Same thing with house cleaning. DO IT and learn.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • dh does help with the kids when he gets home and he's a great help with the house on weekends as well. plus most nights he cooks (he loves to cook which works out cause all my meals come from a box) I know he fell in love with me for who I am I just feel like I have changed so much since we first got together. (we were only together for 4 months prior to getting pregnant)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Hun you don't have it so bad. My DH says I'm lazy because the house isn't spotless every single day. Problem with that is he won't clean, won't do laundry, won't give our son a bath...he thinks that just because he has a job that is physically demanding that he doesn't have to do anything at home. I work full time outside of the home as well and I work longer hours than him and honestly I make alot more money than he does and pay 80% of the bills around here. I do what I can but our son is attached to my hip the second I walk through the door. I can't do laundry until the middle of the night b/c our son will drag clothes out of the dryer and throw them on the floor or put them in the litter box. All while DH is sitting in the living room watching football. He cooks but thats about it, so that makes me lazy aparently. Hes even threatened to leave me over it and I told him he can do his own damn laundry from now on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • I have 5 kids. I just pick one room (usually the one that needs it the most) to clean each day. Most of my kids are in school, but even with the one very active toddler at home, it's just too difficult to clean up the whole entire house in one day. My boyfriend is slowly beginning to understand this, since one day I left him with the toddler for 4 hours on his off day. Let's just say he found a new appreciation for what I do all day long.
    officerjoeys

    Answer by officerjoeys at 9:50 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Try checking out flylady.com it really helped me. My house is clean for the first time ever, and here are the three things that helped me most.
    One_ The house didnt get this way in one day, so remember, its not going to get back to normal in one day. Take it a day at a time.
    Two_ Initiate rules that work FOR YOU. My favorite is the 5 item pick up. Everytime you have to get up (and if you have small kids then thats a lot) pick up five items. They dont have to be big socks on the floor work, but eventually you will find, it makes a huge difference and isnt overwhelming at all.
    Three_ Remember that you need to make time for yourself every day. Even if its only 10 mins a day. If you cannot take care of yourself, you will always be overwhelmed with the needs of others. Nearly everyone has been there, dont be discouraged. Keep going, you can make it.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 9:56 PM on Sep. 22, 2009

  • Anonymous 7:53, we have not ALL been there before. I have 4 children, 1 with autism, 2 dogs & work part time. My house is clean, I make dinner 5 days a week & I have always managed to shower, put on make up & get dressed every day. It is a matter of choices. You can choose to get off your butt & put things where they belong or sit on your butt & cry about the mess. The computer was probably not just turned on to ask this question....keep the computer off most the day & use that time to clean & shower. You don't have to wear a dress all day but slip one on right before dh comes home. You will be happier once you choose to make better choices. Only YOU can do it though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

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