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My husband is SELFISH

I am getting so tired of him!!!!! i.e. I have been up since 4am with the baby. He wakes up takes a shower gets ready for the day (he is off today) doesn't even come and see if I need a break just does his thing. Yesterday when we got home from an early dinner/ late lunch at 5pm he says "I am going to sleep" . Doesn't even consider that I have taken care of our baby all day with no break. See I have to ask "is it alright if you watch the baby while I....." I am always considerate. It has gotten so bad that he barley watches him at all by himself. The most I get out of him is about an hour aweek. I need suggestions b/c today I am so angry my plan is to just ignore him. He knows why I am angry b/c we have had this discussion about 100 times.
signed FUSTRATED!!!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Sep. 23, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (11)
  • Stop asking him to watch the baby! When you need a break just walk over hand him the baby and say" I am going to do....." and walk away, don't ask just do. My dh did this for awhile, so I got mad and stopped asking and just made him, now he has gotten the hint and asks if I need a break, shower, time to myself...it takes awhile but he will get it, be prepared for some complaining from him though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • First off, DONT ASK! If you ask, they can say no. Get ready to do what you need to do, ask your hub what his plans are and if he say's "nothing" then kiss him and tell him goodbye and LEAVE for a few hours, hell just do this. Yea he will get pissed, but he will get over it. If he pitches a bitch remind him that he's just as much the baby's father as you are his mother and it's NOT babysitting, it's him being a parent!
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:24 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Does your DH have a long lost twin because I thought you were talking about my DH LOL. Yesterday I came home from my full time job and he had took off early to take a nap (must be nice) I wrote him a note that morning that I missed him because he was gone all day the day before and when I huffed and puffed about him sleeping the day away he said to me "your note should have said I miss you watching the kids" I almost punched him in the face because he never ever watches the kids his idea of watching the kids is having them in the room while he watches TV I'm still so mad So yeah I feel for you. I'm going on 20 hours of sleep in the last 4 days yeah where is my nap????
    Fordmomma

    Answer by Fordmomma at 10:31 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • I absolutely agree with PP. You are bending over backwards to make it comfortable for him. "Is it alright if you watch the baby.." BS. Of course it is alright, he is the childs father. Don't allow him to call it babysitting either. Babysitters get paid and go home. Heis taking responsibility for his child. I would walk over and put the baby in his lap and say Dad meet your son, son meet your Dad and walk away. You don't have to be nasty about it, but be firm.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:34 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Since he's off today now's a good time to sit down and let him know how you feel and tell him that you two need to work out something so that you are helping each other with the baby, he is the father and needs to take responsibility at home too!
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 10:38 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • He sounds like a baby sitter not a father he needs to step up to the plate. You need to not have the talk you just do what you have to do and say " I am going...... and I will be back shortly after I return. You need your time just as much as he does. He help making this child so know he needs to help raise this child. GL and I hope things get better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • My sympathies to you. My DH works from home doing web design meanwhile I look after our two children. I do everything at night, all the housework, everything. The only time I ey to do things like watch my tv shows is when I'm nursing or doing laundry. He's on flex time an has done things like hide in his office making me think he's working and not allowing me or my 2 year old to bother him when he's actually slacking off then he has to make up that tim in the evening when I really need a hand. He did this when my 2nd was only 2 weeks old and I was recovering from a csection. He also goes for a long walk in the mornigs before work leaving me alone then too. What really bugs me is he's a good dad when he wants to be

    My advice for a break is sign up for a weekly class, preferably exercise for it's mood boosting effect, and commit to going. Don't let him make you feel bad about ping either, you deserve it.
    Kikineko

    Answer by Kikineko at 10:45 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • my and my husband were together for 12 years before having our son. He was born and had total 14 hour a day colic and my husband had NO Pateince. We fought ALL The time when we first had our son - its a huge life change and seems to only be for US. they still tend to do thier own thing just like before the baby. it gets VERY frustrating. I had to be blunt and tell him HEY this is YOUR child too!! no matter what. I don't think he really "Got it" til he started watching him all day monday on his own just HOW much work it is to be home with a child all day. I lucked out in the factor he ended up working tues-friday though so he HAD no choice but to learn and realize you DO need a break because it is a lot of work
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 10:54 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • this is so sad. i'm sorry your husband isn't more involved. ask him why he doesn't want to help out. does he think that he does more than you? that it's just the woman's place? that he deserves more leisure time? what is it that he is not getting?

    my husband and i both work, he watches our son about 20 hours per week while i'm at work and our son goes to day care about 20 hours per week. my husband always takes care of our son in the mornings while i get ready. and then the 2 of us watch him together. sometimes we will take turns sleeping in on the weekends, one will get up with our son at 6:30 while the other sleeps in. well i would say i do about 60% of parenting stuff and he does about 40%. but he works slightly more and also does the lawn and trash and stuff. so we are even.

    maybe you 2 could together list your responsibilities, so he could see that your list is way longer!

    good luck sweetie!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • I just had to say: "good advice from all the mom's!" Great to see the mommie's encouraging one another. I wanted to add that remember that you teach others how to treat you. The earlier you can break this bad trend the better! Keep with it and remember, it's better for all members of the family!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

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