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Do you see how this could be be rude?

I told my DH that I was going to hate him working so long (11 hours a day/6 days a week) and that I missed spending time with him. He said "You don't want me here to spend time with me, you just want me here." As in I just want him here in a controlling sense. I think he said it because I wanted him to give our DS a bath earlier. Anyways, I told him it was rude and he said "You just take things too personal." and I said "Well, yea, if that is what you truly think about me, then of course I'm going to take it personal." "I don't want you thinking I just want you here for reasons like that." He still didn't seem to grasp how it offended me. Does anyone else see how that could be rude? He made it sound like I just want him here to trap him or something!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Sep. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I probably would have felt exactly as you do. After 21 years of marriage, and 3 boys, I've learned that men often say things they think are clever and funny, and we find offensive. I don't know why. I wish I knew how to handle it, I can tell you after all these years, my husband still makes little remarks like that, and doesn't get that it hurts, or even embarrasses me if he does it in public.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:20 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Be HAPPY if he's working that much. The overtime will really help. TRY and get over this. It's little issues like this that plant seeds of hate in marriages, and leads to bigger problems and divorces.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 11:43 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Sometimes with men, you have to be careful of what you say because sometimes they don't have a clue what you really mean...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 11:58 AM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • I probably would have felt exactly as you do. After 21 years of marriage, and 3 boys, I've learned that men often say things they think are clever and funny, and we find offensive. I don't know why. I wish I knew how to handle it, I can tell you after all these years, my husband still makes little remarks like that, and doesn't get that it hurts, or even embarrasses me if he does it in public.
    __
    Ditto this. Except we've only been married 5 years.

    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 12:21 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Agree with the first poster. The other night I asked SO to do something for me and he didn't want to. He asked me "Why?" and I said to him "Because I asked you to." He then replied "Because you asked me isn't good enough." I was like *GASP* "How dare you?!" LOL! I didn't stay mad at him or anything, I just told him that was a mean thing to say but he didn't see it that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • I am happy he's working this much. It's not something we fight over or anything. The problem was what he said, not his working. But at the same time I do hate him being gone all the time, once again, I'm grateful he at least has a job. We've been on unemployment for a while because he got laid off, and didn't make near as much as we do now that he has a job. It's a love/hate kind of thing. lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • I know exactly how u feel...my husband has a job where he is away all the time, & I don't just mean 4 a few hours a day, I mean 4 days or weeks at a time, we usually get 2 see him every other Sat. (maybe a Fri. & Sat.),
    I do miss him terribly, but we all get 2 talk almost daily over the phone, & even though it's not the same as being 2gether, I am thankful that our bills are paid, & our children are taken care of. I can see how ur husband's remark hurt u, at the same time I can see probably his aggravation behind what u had said. Men & women operate on different wave lengths. & although us women can at times get hurt so easily, so can men, & we don't see that, because "they're men, they're supposed 2 b tough". I think the important thing is 2 have QUALITY time when u ARE together, make every minute count when u can, and let him know u appreciate him working long hours, it probably hurts him just as much being away like that.
    TCamacho

    Answer by TCamacho at 8:49 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

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