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how do you get 12 yr olds to stop having temper tantrums?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Sep. 23, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • lol. I do not envy you. my 10yo has outgrown temper tantrums, now they just seem to be pre-teen anger. It took a lot of practice but I can successfully ignore him when he acts that way. I sat down with him and explained that I understand his hormones are going crazy due to puberty fixing to start, but that while I love him totally, forever, no matter what that when he acts like that I do not like him and have the right to refuse to acknowledged him when he is being disrespectful.
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 1:12 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • I would suggest therapy.....even my autistic daughter isn't throwing temper tantrums at age 10......you need to find out what is going on in thier mind.....
    michaux

    Answer by michaux at 5:11 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Counseling is a great idea, however for I would try logical consequences. One of my boys got mad at his brother and threw a hamburger at him, hitting the wall, and getting food everywhere. My feelings were this is two year old behavior, and if you're going to act like a two year old, you'll be treated like a two year old. For 1 week he had two year old rules. He went to bed at 7pm, could only watch G rated movies.....He was 14.....no computer privileges because 2 year olds don't use computers.....etc. He has never done anything like this again.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 5:46 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Obviously you've let the tantrums go on for too long. I would ignore them while they're going on and then start taking privileges away. My 5 yr old hasn't thrown a tantrum since she was 3. I have a 10 and 14 yr old that would NEVER dream of throwing a tantrum. Sure I get the occasional teen attitude from my 14 yr old, but nothing major because he respects the rules of our house. We do a lot of talking at our house. I encourage my children to express their anger respectfully. My oldest can tell me he disagrees with a punishment or with something that has to do with him, as long as it's done in respectful way. Not that it usually changes anything, but at least he had his say.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • I have three and at this point the middle one does this. I don't give in and also tell him he can take it outside. If the tantrum is due to a punishment the time he spends in his room increases. The hardest thing to do sometimes is to avoid them for me, but I have come to the point that I am not giving in, like I said he can take outside or increase time in his room. When he comes from his room I have a calm child and consistence means less tantrums.

    Peace, <>
    JoyceTN

    Answer by JoyceTN at 10:06 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • ohwrite - I like that...

    DD is only 2 1/2 and is really well behaved...However, my sister would do this. But it was a culmination of many factors that lead to her piss poor behavior. My mother didn't demand respect from her. They would often feed off of each others anger and just end up screaming. It was so damn dumb and immature for the both of them (they still do this and she's now 20).

    Your child is old enough to properly express his feelings with words, no need to throw a fit. Tell him what is expected of him and what the consequences will be if he doesn't obey. Allow him his feelings, but he needs to be respectful. Same goes with Mom. If you find yourself calling him names, you are doing nothing to help the situation and he/she will only be resentful. Be sure that your expectations and rules aren't so strict that tantrums are inevitable.

    Good luck!
    MotherofIreland

    Answer by MotherofIreland at 10:52 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • IGNORE the child until he acts like a 12 year old. Take him to counseling to have him evaluated for some kind of behavior disorder. This is NOT normal or appropriate for a 12 year old. When he is ready to use his words and talk then pay attention, otherwise NO attention until he is ready.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:31 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • i have that problem with my 12 yr old daughter...but she's bipolar and has impulse control disorder. it has gotten better...knocks on wood...since adding a new med but we still have em here and there.
    lmcabee

    Answer by lmcabee at 12:42 AM on Oct. 4, 2009

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