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wat would you think of this?

So me and my husband have been kinda arguing about this one but i just feel so ugly since i got pregnant because well ever since i started showing anyways... he has takin no interest in me (sexualy) wat so ever...i keep asking him why and the only answer i got out of him was "im stressed out i might not get the permanent position at work and ill let you and the baby down".. well if thats the case we'll just move back in with his mom (whos already insisted on it if this permanent job doesnt pull through) and ill take my old job back and not long after this temp thing he has he'll be getting deployed so i think even if we do have to move back it'd be great for him to spend time with his family for the few months he would have b4 deployment! anyways he felt better after wards and kinda got a little bit relieved i think after i pointed out the bright side to it and then we did our "thing" but it seems like everytime (cont..)

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Asked by armymum1013 at 2:00 PM on Sep. 23, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • we do stuff we have to go through one of these conversations first and its like... i feel as if this isnt the reason hes not interested and maybe my body grosses him out and he just doesnt wanna see me cry about the truth so he comes up with things that have been on his mind as an excuse and when he cant find anything else to stress about he feels like theres no other way out of it and he HAS to make love to me....
    and another thing that hurts me is that the whole "why arnt you interested in me any more" thing has to be brought up in order for him to even open up to me and tell me things like this! thats what im here for to help support him and i feel like he's ignoring me and my support im here to offer him!.... i dont know what would you think of this?

    Answer by armymum1013 at 2:04 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Do you go to the same church?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • we dont go to church we are atheist

    Answer by armymum1013 at 2:08 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • My DH and I had that discussion many times the last time we were TTC. It was like it was a chore when it was time to do the deed. He finally left his job for a new one and POOF everything was wonderful again. Stress really can affect men that much. He may not want to tell you because you are already under a lot of stress with your body making a baby. men are wierd about stuff like that.

    Answer by auroura at 2:21 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • i'm pretty sure most men are NOT turned off by a pregnant woman. men really do tend to start worrying about providing for their family,so he's probably telling the truth. try to spend time talking to him without mentioning sex. if he doesn't come around, ask if there is anything you can do to help.

    Answer by ranedare at 2:28 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • i try to talk to him about those things all the time but the only time he comes out and says it is when i start feeling like hes not attracted to me anymore and i kinda hint it off that he makes me feel that way.... i wish he would open up to me more without having to bring up sex or not feeling attractive anymore... i mean thats what im here for and we have a back up plan and even if we didnt we would find a way together and he knows that i wish he wouldnt feel this guilty.. im glad i made him feel a little better and relieved now though...:-)

    Answer by armymum1013 at 2:46 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Maybe if you just point blank tell him how you feel without mentioning sex or hinting around. A Lot of men are not "clue readers", maybe he's not reading your signals or something. i think maybe just sitting down and having a real conversation may help, maybe just start off talking about the baby (picking names, making a list of things the baby will need, deciding where to put the crib, etc)Ask him if he is excited about the baby, ask him if he still feels the same way about you as he did before the pregnancy.
    My husband didn't have that problem during pregnancy, but right after our first son was born he was very stand-offish, and didn't seem to bond with the baby or anything. I started to feel very depressed, and wanted to leave him, but instead I asked him if he was happy as a family, if he was happy with a child.
    And you'd be surprised, stress can affect people in the worst way possibly, as was the case with my husband.

    Answer by TCamacho at 4:34 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • If he's fixen to be deployed, is it possible that he's trying to kinda wean himself off of sex, or possibly show you that he can be there and not cheat?
    Most women think a man's penis is controlled by sight, but from my marital experience, if my hubby is stressed, hot, cold, hungry, tired, sick etc it just doesn't function correctly. If this is the first baby especially he's likely nervous about being able to provide, and possibly having to move his family in with him Mom but more important, he's likely afraid of being deployed. The bravest of people know the risks, the dangers, and leaving behind a wife or husband, parents, siblings etc is scarey enough, but to leave behind your child...that would have to be pure torture for any parent.
    Much luck to your whole family, and there's lots of people out here, wishing him a speedy return home to you and his family.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:18 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

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