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this is really starting to bother me

my boyfriend and myself are both in our 40's, we have been together for four years, we have a child together and he has children that are with us 50% of the time.

I call him my husband, but he is not. He says he will never get married again because his first wife was a bitch who screwed him over. Yes, she is, I agree, but I was married to the biggest asshole in the world (do not even try to tell me that your ex was worse, mine was=lol) anyway, I feel stupid when I say my boyfriend, I feel like I am too old for a boyfriend that I live with and share children with.

But am I just fooling myself by calling him my husband, he is more of a husband that my ex ever was, however if he does not want to marry me, then I am acting like a fool RIGHT???
or wrong?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Sep. 23, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • lowencope said exactly what I was about to.
    If he's ok with you referring to him as your husband then there's nothing wrong with that.
    Where I live, if you live with your SO for six months then you are considered "common law" which is pretty much the same thing as being married in the eyes of the federal gov't.
    I don't know if it's the same where you are or not.

    I know what you mean about feeling weird calling him your "boyfriend". I'm 28 and I felt strange calling DH my "boyfriend" before we got married.
    It's such a high school" term. I always felt awkward saying it, but that's just me. It didn't sound strange to me for other women to refer to their SO's as boyfriend.
    For me he's not a boy, he's a man...but "manfriend" just sounds ridiculous! lol

    Answer by Laila-May at 5:16 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • WHy do you need to be married to be together wholeheartedly for the rest of your life? just because he doesn't want to get married, does not mean that he doesn't love you like a wife. I think that his problem is more with the ceremony of marriage than the concept of it.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:45 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • yes it is kinda foolish to refer to him as your husband. for one thing, he isn't and he has stated a desire to never marry. calling him your husband is only going to upset him and make you feel worse b/c you know you are lying to yourself. if you can't come to terms w/the fact that he doesn't want to marry you, than maybe you guys shouldn't be together?
    sorry if its harsh, but its the truth and it can't be sugarcoated.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 4:47 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • when does common law marriage kick in in your area?

    hehe...technically you will be married one day :)

    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 4:50 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • I don't think you should be calling him your husband. I do think if he is never going to marry you you two need to sit down and put a bunch of stuff on paper about caring for one another if something (god forbid) should happen to one or the other of you. Without the marriage license you don't have a lot of rights and things can get ugly quick.

    Answer by auroura at 4:52 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • sounds to me like you are ok with your relationship, but that you have a hard time defining your commitment to others. Maybe you could call him your Beau or not tell them anything just say his name. I know times will come up when you have to describe your relationship and I would feel uncomfortable with boyfriend or husband for your situation...maybe you could do a little research and come up with an approprate title...even Significant Other would work. You could call him your honey...

    Answer by ria7 at 4:58 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Hey, if it doesnt bother him that you call him your husband, then why is it foolish? Because you don't have a legal document??? Don't let anyone tell you what's foolish for you. That is between you and your SO whether or not you call him your husband.

    Answer by lowencope at 5:05 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • could you guys exchange rings and make a commitment to eachother? Would you feel better about it then?

    Answer by ria7 at 5:07 PM on Sep. 23, 2009