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Grandmas! Please help. Give me your side of things, so I can understand.

My Mom tells everyone how wonderful 23 month old DD is, how smart, funny, how much she enjoys her.I bring DD to visit as much as possible(4o min away), skype regularly, and generally do my best to keep her in contact on a regular basis. I DO NOT take advantage of either of my folks. So ..
She's always grouchy when we're around.She has never offered to help, by watching DD for a bit, or even suggested she take her so I can get to a Dr. appointment. She almost acts like she doesn't like me or approve of me,since I had DD. She's got billions of excuses for not visiting, or spending more than 15 minutes at a time with her(she does smoke heavily) She's basically lying to her friends and our family about the time she actually spends with her Granddaughter. She talks regularly with SIL about everything under the sun, including their DD who's 2. Is this some retribution for her SAHMomhood to me? Is it disappointment? I'm a SAHM. Help.

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Ems629

Asked by Ems629 at 6:05 PM on Sep. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Oh, man...that sounds like my mom as well.
    ocsosomom

    Answer by ocsosomom at 6:09 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • My MIL actually asked "your going to make me a grandma so young? I am not even 50" I wanted to tell her "hey look, I am not the one who had my son at 17... I am 26 now" Now she has settled down and is wonderful but right at first it was annoying.
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 6:13 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Sounds like she wants all the glory without any of the work. If I was in your shoes, I'd quit going out of my way and make her produce some effort.

    Have you told your mom all of what you just told us? It might be a start.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 6:14 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • yep! I have been as diplomatic as possible in that I've really needed her "on board" so to speak in times of desperation. What is it? Is it just baby boomer selfish stuff or something else? I'd hate to be judgmental, as I'm still alive and in possession of all my limbs( thanx mom) I mean in reality, the kid's almost 2 and she's never watched her. I had to take the kid to my gyno appt!
    Ems629

    Answer by Ems629 at 7:19 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • It sure would appear that your mom has issues about taking the time to get to know your DD. I am the grandmother of 8 ranging from 16 years to 2 months. I love all of my grandchildren and even if I don't get to spend as much time with the oldest one( which is a step grandson) I am still very proud of how he is turning out. It just goes to show how well his Dad and Mom are trying to raise him even tho a split family. This could be your mom's way of letting people know how proud she is of how you are raising DD. Sometimes it is easier to tell other people then it is your own child. I have heard some grandmothers say how spoiled or how unruly their grandchildren are, which makes a negative attitude with the parents of the child. I wouldn't make any special trips to take the child to see her. Let her know that if she has time that you will be home on certain days. If you are in her neighborhood then stop by. Good Luck...

    joyfuli

    Answer by joyfuli at 7:23 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Are you kidding?? I will watch my grand kids every chance I get, I hate it when I have to turn my kids down because I have plans. I don't know what is up with her but she is missing out on the best life has to offer.
    meandmyshadow

    Answer by meandmyshadow at 8:17 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

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