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My boyfriend has has three kids and I have one of my own, in which he claims as his own.

I go to school and he works out of town 4 days a week. I am caring for our daughter all week and he just has to work and has the rest of the night free. When he comes home on the weekend he doesn't help with anything. Even when his kids are here I feel like a mother of four. He also doesn't feel like they should have chores. It is hard enough to get them to put their dishes in the dish washer. I feel like a made or nanny. I am also expecting and lately I feel so worn out and I feel like I am working from the time I wake until I go to bed when all the kids are here. I dont ever get to ret because if I do then the house becomes a war zone. How do I deal with this? I am always in a bad mood and bitchy because i never get to enjoy myself, and my daughter becomes a monster within a day of the other kids being here because I dont have time to give her attention. I love him and his kids, but something has to give.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:12 PM on Sep. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • Uhhhhhhhh one simple idea comes to mind... You are not married, you don't have to put up with this crap. Leave him. Why deal with this crap? Seriously...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • have you talked to him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Cont.
    What do I do I don't work, but I still feel like I am trying harder and working harder. I feel like if I dont get help I will have a nervous break down or flip out on him or the kids. HELP!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Why would I leave him, is that everyones answer to everything. I love him and he is a great guy. And he cooks!! Lol, I just need help around the house and I was wondering if anyone has had this problem or ideas to fix it. I am carrying his baby and he is finacially supporting me and my child while I go to school. He isnt a bad guys. I just need some help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Hire a maid to come in and clean at his expense.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Wow these are some helpful tips guys thanks. Why would you even answer if you arent trying to help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Communication is a start. You need to wait until you are alone with him, tell him how you feel. Tell him u know he works hard, but you do too. Tell him it is only natural that you become more tired when you are pregnant. I would put my foot down as far as his kids are concerned. They do indeed need chores, and if he insists they don't then i would insist he pick up after them. This is HIS time with HIS kids, not yours. Tell him you feel like a live in maid and nanny. You need to find out just what his expectations of your relationship he has, and tell him yours. Ask if he can live with giving you what you need. If the answer is no, then you have some bid decissions to make. Good luck
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:01 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Honestly I would sit down and talk to him and tell him that you are having trouble keeping up with the house work and are needing a little help. Tell him you know he provides fincially for your family, but right now you are carrying a precious cargo and need to get rest in order for baby and yourself to be happy and heathly. Tell him the benifits of the older children helping with chores like how it teaches them to be responsible ect.
    Be honest and tell him how you are feeling and if he is a good guy he will understand and either start helping you out more.
    Charlies_mommy

    Answer by Charlies_mommy at 10:02 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • This is more a relationship question. I am confused you say he comes home and doesn't help you...um...then you said he cooks? Honestly, he seems to me like he is not doing anything wrong. He's working and allowing you to stay home and go back to school. My husband does the same thing and I don't bitch when he wants to just come home and sit on his ass. He's just spent the day working to buy us what we need. The least I could do is clean.
    OneToughMami

    Answer by OneToughMami at 10:09 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • My hubby used to do nothing when it came to his son from hs first marriage. We have 50/50 custody (one week on and one week off) the week he was here DH would not do anything with him, help with homework, make him clean up, nothing. I do not work but we have two kids together and I run the house. One week that was his week I went to visit my parents with my kids. DH realized how much he was not doing and has stepped up since then. Try going away for the weekend when he has the kids. You are not leaving him, just making a point that he won't listen to when spoken to about it. It worked for me. I hope you find soemthing that works. I know it is hard to not have help around the house, especially when the kids are not your own and you get no support from their father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

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