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custody issues..

I made a huge mistake when I got pregnant by my ex boyfriend...I should have been more careful and I blame myself for getting into this situation. Please know that I am fully aware that I messed up before you answer this :)

I'm 18, living at home, senior in high school (great grades) and I am planning on going to college right after high school. I am also 39 weeks pregnant. My parents are more than willing to help me with this baby. The baby has a nursery and everything she needs. My mom is going to watch her while I'm at school.

Ex boyfriend is 21, illegal immigrant in removal proceedings, working and going to college illegally. He is planning to keep himself in the country by marrying a girl he barely knows (I know this is illegal and I know I could turn him in but I'm not that kind of person), he is quite a bit manipulative and he played mind games with me up until just the other day when he left me..cont

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 PM on Sep. 23, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (7)
  • CONT:

    He left me because I wouldn't marry him and I wasn't okay with my boyfriend marrying another women. He wanted me to marry him for the sole purpose of getting his paperwork, he clearly said to me that we would not work out...but he still wanted me to. I made the right decision in not marrying him b/c 1.) we both knew we wouldn't work out 2.) he couldn't and probably wouldn't support me 3.) I am too young 4.) I would probably not make it to college and 5. ) I felt used...there are many others but those are the primary reasons.

    Well he's a control freak and now he's angry with me and I am scared to death he is going to try to get custody of our daughter once she's born. I know he couldn't now being in removal proceedings but if he were to marry the other girl and get there any chance he could take her from me?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Not unless he can prove that you are unfit. Now he may be able to get joint custody or at least visitation, but he shouldn't be able to take her from you without having good cause and proof of it. Good luck.

    Answer by heartfrommyson at 9:34 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • well here till he gets his visa or papers!it could take months even years report him call immigration!how is he working under another person name??if so you can report him!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • He doesn't want custody. He is saying that to screw with you. He doesn't want to pay child support. If he tried to take this to court ever, which he wont bc his immigration and citizen status will take years to sort out even if he gets married, the court would first order him to pay child support. If he is working at a job that provides any benefits, those benefits are legally your child's right. He doesn't want to pay for health care.

    This boils down to one very immature idiot trying to frighten you. Best luck in school. You are making a great choice for your child. A loving family with a parent and grandparents is a beautiful gift. An educated mom is a beautiful gift for your baby too!

    Answer by ecodani at 10:13 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • he is trying to scare you he doesn't care about your baby. No offense! Let him get legal so he can pay child support just try to keep up with him so you know where he works to get support. Obviousl he is working under the table.

    Answer by Cherish050307 at 11:35 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • First of all sweetie, since he is not legal as of right now, he cannot be on the birth certificate because if you go into labor next week like you're supposed to, he can't sign it. Don't let him sign it and don't let him do anything that would prove he is the father.

    He is the one who screwed some things up and he should not expect you to marry him for his own benefit. I'm sure he isn't going to help with your baby by the way he's acting. So, best bet, you're a single mom and you are going to do great alone. It's better to have no father than a crappy one, believe me I know from experience! Try severing ties with this man and focus on your family's life and well being...and by family I mean you, your baby, and your parents!

    You steer your life down the straight and narrow and make things the best they can be for you and your child. You don't need a man and most definitely don't need a deadbeat one!

    Answer by zeroblivion at 11:57 PM on Sep. 23, 2009

  • Until he is a legal citizen, he cannot go through the Courts to get custody. Also, the MOST he can get is joint custody (which does NOT automatically mean 50/50, just that you both share physical and joint cusotdy). Until the baby is older (maybe 2 or 3), they will probably only give him a few hours once or twice a week, anyway. Unless he can prove you unfit as a parent, he CANNOT get sole custody. If he does start something, make sure to make ALL contact via email, so you have proof of everything said (we deal with custody issues with my stepdaughter, so I know all about the custody crap--it's a constant deal). Make sure to document how much money he gives you and when, when he calls and for how long, when he visits and for how long, etc (to show the Courts). You want as much documentation as you can get to show you are the parent who should maintain custody :) PM me for more info. I'm always happy to help.

    Answer by laird6372 at 2:21 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

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