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"Evil Mommy"

So, i'm not evil, but I am in a shard 50/50 custody arrangement with my ex and my 3 y/o hates coming with me! He tells me he loves them more, doesn't want to be with me, doesn't like me, and I take him swimming, we are always playing, and always doing fun things together but no matter what I'm still the "evil mommy". My ex is more of the "zoo daddy"- i.e. my son has all the toys and fun, expensive things to do over there, but I'm in college and I can't always afford all those things so I try my best to do crafts and walks and swimming and such, I've tried talking to him about it, ignoring it, just telling him I love him and want to have fun together- EVERYTHING! Please hurt, because our relationship is going down the drain and it kills me!

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Asked by clashey at 12:29 AM on Sep. 24, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (9)
  • It sounds like your ex is probably feeding him with these things. It sounds like it. Do you and your ex get along and are you civil to each other? If not, that's very bad. I don't care how much you hate each other (speaking generally here, not just at you), there is no reason to belittle each other, talk bad about each other, or tell your children bad things about your spouse. If you two have a nasty relationship as ex's, then maybe he is telling him all these things.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • mom just keep doing what your doing,nothings wrong with you he"s just a kid,he will remember the good times with you even if he says hurtful things now.

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 12:33 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Well you can't talk to him about it, he's 3, he doesn't understand. I would, however, talk to his father

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:33 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • I would question what his father is telling him. It sounds like you do everything you can with him, and playtime/facetime is the most important thing at this age, so my thoughts go back to the father.

    Just keep your chin up, you're doing the absolute best you can and when he is grown, he will know how much his mother does and always has loved him. He's too young to understand some things right now, but he will someday.

    Answer by hhorton at 12:38 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • you need to talk to his dad, he's 3 he just knows exactly how he feels in that moment and thats it. he doesn't understand that those things cost money and he doesn't need them. give it another year and he'll love to go with you more b/c you spend the time playing with him, whereas there they just hand him a toy.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:40 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • it's so sad when the parents can't get along. i just don't get it. i hope for your sake and your kids that this isn't really going on. it sounds like it is tho. there's got to be a way to find out. i agree with vabchmommy u should try to talk to the father. keep doing what your doing with your son and eventually he'll be old enough to see how much you love him and know you're giving your best. sometimes that's all we parents can do. be strong and have faith.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Sounds like the ex is filling him with some of these things. He is 3- they don't know "hate" yet, unless they have been taught it. I'd talk to the ex and see if there is anything that can be done, however he'll probably be unwilling to quit with the bull. Just hang in there, your son won't be so little and easy to manipulate for forever. One day he is going to see the situation for what it really is and he'll realize who really was there for him!

    Answer by chel1195 at 1:15 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • No, we don't exactly get along perfectly, but when it comes to him I think we are both trying what's in his best interest. I never speak of my ex badly in front of my son... I want him to feel open to talking to me about anything so whatever they do together I full support and am very excited for him, and show him that. The two of us personally are a different matter, and what happens when he is over there I have no idea, but I cherish the time I get with him completely, and I really just hope that you all are right and that one day he will appreciate what I am doing, even if it's not as "shiney" as my ex's time. Thank you!

    Answer by clashey at 5:00 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Personally if it were me, I would not let him talk that way to me. I would impose consequences and tell him those words and names hurt my feelings. Preschoolers CAN be very empathetic. For example : "Son you are not allowed to call me evil, that hurts my feelings. I understand that you are (fill in the blank) but when we are (lets jst say mad) we express it this way. I need you to apologize to me and (insert appropriate consequence)." You wouldnt let him talk that way to anyone else right? You deserve a respectful response and he needs a better way to express his displeasure. Dont lose heart, kids go through stages. He will always love you especially when he sees how hard you worked to make his life worthwhile.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 9:33 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

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