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What about my rights, dont I have the right to know my family?

Im so sick of hearing respect the b-parents rights!!! How can they seal the adoption records and refuse to give me information!! What about my rights!! I have the right to know my b-family. I have the right to know where i came from. They said they cant give me any information. How do i get around this? I feel so lost. =-( Is there anything I can do? Has anybody been in the same sitiuation? Please help.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:38 AM on Sep. 24, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (36)
  • What state were you born and adopted? You should check the adoption statutes and laws of that state for info concerning what info is to be disclosed to you. Quote the statutes to the agency. They should at very least allow you non-identifying info. Be prepared for head games.....
    My agency required a one hour long distance consult with an agency therapist to make sure I was stable enough to 'handle' the non-i'd. Heaven knows how many adoptees have gone off the deep end learning their Mother was 5'6 with blonde hair, blue eyes...!?!!

    I was able to obtain my OBC- illegally. :::putting my wrists out front of me for the bracelets:::
    Adoption cops- take me away! Can you imagine the press? 'Adoptee Jailed For the offence of obtaining HER certificate of birth'.

    Answer by adopteeme at 6:39 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Btw, I did not use the OBC to find my family. I used a paid adoption PI. I had been reunited with siblings and wanted confirmation that I had the correct family. My agency would NOT confirm the match with both my found brother and I on a 3 party phone call with a social worker.

    Answer by adopteeme at 7:09 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • You can always petition a judge to unseal the records so you can find out. Do it on the premis of your health and needing to know what health conditions your Bio Mom has or had. Judges unseal those records ALL the time. Sealed adoption is NOT truely sealed if you jump through all the hoops the Govt wants you to which is why birth parents are trying to change the laws. Some birth parents NEVER want the kid coming back to find them. Sorry you have to go through this.

    Answer by vbruno at 8:24 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this "injustice', it truly is aggrevating to hear this over and over again! I am a FirstMother, and NEVER one time have I felt MY rights trumped my twins...for they DO NOT! My twins, have every single RIGHT to know ALL they wish to know, when they ask for ifs, ands or buts! This is not about reunion, it is about the right that each individual has to be their original self. UN-tainted, unchanged, and being whom GOD made them to be...themselves...not what others decided for them! JMHO! "WE' as adults"KNOW ALL-BE ALL', somehow decide that we know whats best, when in reality, we become insecure, and decide that in this insecurity..if we change things, we will be safer! When I say "WE", I mean the agencies, parents whom adopted, S.W.'s etc., 'WE' do not have that right! Please be aware, that not all you recieve, will be FACT, many times doc. are altered( Bdates, names, etc.) cont..

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:37 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Even the state one is born, has been altered. I know this, for it is so in MY journey, to finding my twins. I, like some others here, hired a C.I./P.I., and she has found so much illegal actions in MY case. The state I gave birth in...has NO record of this. The adoption was finalized in the state they reside...of which I cannot know..just yet. I would not be surprised at what is yet to follow. Their parents, have great wealth, and were able , with help from higher conseal this adoption, and have accomp-lished this thus far. This is why, I have yet to be granted, permission to even further pursue my journey. I recently got a request from a 'commissioner" of the state, whom had some very odd questions for me to answer! These questions had nothing to do with the adoption..nothing, yet I answered them, with all truth, just so I can go to the next step, in finding them. I wish you so much luck, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:42 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • They have to release non-identifying information (first names, years of birth, physical characteristics, etc.)

    What state? I can pull the wording for you so you can throw it in their face and get the little that is due you. Also what year was your adoption finalized - as states are considering relaxing their stances they have differet rules for different sets of years.

    Please reply with the state and year and adopteeme and I will point you in the right direction.

    I received by non-identifying information and I can't tell you how much it meant to just have the first names of my birth parents "Barbara and Stephen" ---- if I never find them at least I have their names and they aren't just "my birth parents". I'd love for them to have the same (my name) and not just the memory of "that baby"

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 11:27 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Sealed records were never put into law to protect the birth parents - if that was the case then part of the legal paperwork would have included having birth parents sign paperwork requesting confidentiality (which never was the case).

    Sealed records were put into law to protect and ease the minds of adoptive parents (even if those adoptive parents were not concerned or desired confidentiality). In this era of open adoption where MOST domestic adoptions know the other party, these laws are outdated and need to go.

    Where REAL issues of safety and confidentiality do exist that is where the law should step in and have a process to protect. Don't waste taxpayer time and dollars on assuming that all adoptions have issues that require cutting an adoptee off of information every other US born citizen has access to. a little amped up on this one :)

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 11:31 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • You most likely will need to hire a PI or an attorney to help you with this. If you have a last name and an area where you were born you can send out a generic letter to everyone in that area stating who you are and what you are wanting.

    I've always had mixed opinions on adoption records and who has what rights. On one hand you have bparents who either signed signed their rights away or had them terminated. They may or may not ever want anything to do with a child they gave birth to. Then you have the aparents who may never want to deal with the bparents knowing that the child was abused, given up for adoption or whatever. Then comes the child who grows into an adult who wants to know where they came from. Stuck in the middle loving their aparents while wanting to know who they look like, family health, etc. I don't think any one person should have more rights then the other. If one says stop then stop it is regardless.

    Answer by baconbits at 12:36 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Birth mother privacy is largely a myth perpetuated by some large adoption agencies and some adoptive parents who want records to stay sealed. I spent several years involved in with various adoption support and reform groups and know many adoptees and birth parents. Most birth parents do not want privacy, they want to know their children.

    There are many ways to get your records, but it all depends on the state your adoption took place. Laws vary in each state. You can petition and get records in some states, but not all of them. Some states have searchers (CIs) that will search for you.

    VBruno, do you have any ties to adoption? I am puzzled, because I keep seeing your answers, but wonder where you get your information.

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:40 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • An attorney can rarely help someone obtain their adoption records. Depending on the state, you might need a searcher, or a search angel.

    As I recall, Baconbits is an adoptive mom, so maybe she thinks many birth parents do not want contact. However, I know many birthparents, and most would love contact. You will not know until you find YOUR birth parents what THEY want. BTW, I am a birth mom who was found by my son, and have become an advocate for search and reunion. The agency that handled his adoption had a CI social worker find me. You DO have a right to know your birth family.

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:46 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

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