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Have you ever met anyone like this?

This guy I'm seeing has got me spinning. He lives about an hour away from me, so we only get to see each other once a week, sometimes twice a week. Anyway, it seems like I"m always the one doing the calling. Now, if he misses my call he always calls me back. I know what you're thinking, "girl he's just not that into you!" That's what I thought too, because I've read the book LOL. Then I got to talking to his best friend of 20 years and he told me this..."that's just how he is." According to his friend, he never calls him either, or his parents, and it's been like this with every girlfriend he's ever had! It's always been the other person to do the calling when it comes to him. I mean, that's just weird right? Who doesn't even pick up the phone to call their best friend or parents? We have a good relationship, should I be more bothered by this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Sep. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • if that is honestly how he is, you need to ask yourself, can you stand to be in a relationship with someone who is just that way?

    Answer by AmaliaD at 10:02 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • I would be bothered, but you have to decide that. Are you going to be okay with always being the one "carrying" the relationship? How about after you've dated for a year and he still never calls? What if you become engaged, or married, is it still going to bother you that he puts no effort into the relationship?
    His friend is telling you this is how he is, it's how he's going to be, he's not going to change. So it's up to you - are you okay with it now, and will you be a year or two or ten from now?

    Answer by missanc at 10:03 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Some people are just like that, it's not good, it's not bad. It just is. You have to decide if this is something you can live with, because it sounds like it really is just how he is. But, I think if you decide it's NOT something you can live with, you should tell him that it's why.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:06 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • *OP* I know, thats what I've been asking myself, is this what I want? I'm very confused because on the one hand I care deeply about him, we have been together almost 7 months. On the other hand, I want to be with someone who loves to call me and talk to me, especially since he lives so far away. When I do call, and he calls me back, we always end up talking for at least an hour though, so it's not like he doesn't want to talk to me, if he didn't he wouldn't call me back. Sheesh...LOL

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Stop calling him. See how long it take him to call you.
    So it bother you he does not call much? But it does not bothers you, you only see him once a week? Have you ever been to his place?
    When I was single, I didn't call guys. I made them call me. It was one way of knowing they really liked me.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:08 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • *OP* Oh yea, I've been to his place lots of times, I've met his parents and his brother. I guess it does bother me more than I even realize if I thought about it enough to bring it up and ask about it here right?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Should you be more bothered??

    I would say yes because it is clear that you are bothered by it..

    He is who he is....if you are not ok with it, and you want and need more...
    well then for me, I would have to personally move on...

    Answer by Dannee at 10:15 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • I guess my question is, is how is he towards you in all the other aspects of your relationship, other than just the calling aspect? If he is Mr Wonderful in all other areas, then I wouldnt worry too much with the telephone issue. I for one, HATE, DESPISE, and any other word you can think of for the telephone and wont pick up the phone to call someone unless I absolutely HAVE TOO.. Parents, dh, you name it.. It isnt that I dont care about them, I just LOATHE the telephone. I will text with them some or email here and there but I prefer face to face.
    But I love and care about my loved ones deeply. But I just wont run to a telephone to call either..

    Answer by Melindakc at 10:35 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • *OP* Well, when we do get to spend time together he's ok, I mean it's like a normal relationship, but where we don't get to see each other that often I'm not really sure what normal for us would be. I guess it just is what it is, I mean we have never talked about marriage or me moving over there or anything really serious. Maybe I'm just a fling to him, who knows? I'm afraid to ask because I'm afraid of what his answer will be. What if I've wasted 7 months of my life on a fling? I want it to go somewhere but what if he doesn't?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • When dh and I were dating nearly 19 years ago he left for 6 months on a military deployment. He left me his car and paid the rent on his apartment while he was gone, but he didn't call me or even write to me in 4 months. I ended up sending a telegram to his ship, and he did finally call. Some guys just don't call. Either they don't like using the phone, or they just would rather spend time with you and not worry about keeping up with you by calling. Is he okay in other ways? If you have met his family, it sounds pretty serious. Let him know how much you'd like to hear from him during the week, even if it is just one call.

    Answer by emnasmom at 10:59 AM on Sep. 24, 2009

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