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We're past that exhausted parents stage, how do I get him back in bed?

My husband is 38 and I am 22. Before we had kids, we had sex every night unless we were totally exhausted. The only thing that has changed is that we have 11 month old twins now and my body is not back up where it was pre-kids, yet. I want sex all the time, but he is ALWAYS too tired. I know he's not having an affair because I know his work schedule and he works with my brother. I also believe that he can't be that tired ALL the time. We have sex 2-3 times a month, thats it. All our friends that are his age talk about their sex lives openly and don't seem to have the same problems. I am embarrassed to even mention it to my girlfriends. What can I do? What do you think it is? Has he hit that low point in his sex life already?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Sep. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • oh wow, this happens a lot with young women who hook up with older guys. Guys peak at 19 and it goes down hill from there. Don't expect him to want to do the happy dance very often.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • My husband and I are 36 and 37, and we definitely don't have sex as often as we did when we were younger. Men peek sexually in their early 20's, so it is very possible he is having a drop in sexual need. Also, new babies affect your energy level a lot more when you are older. I had my first child in my mid twenties, and it did not phase me at all, but I had two more in my mid - late 30's and it really did affect my energy level a lot more. If your friends who are his age do not have infant twins, you really can't compare them to your husband. You probably should be able to do better than 2 - 3 times per month, but I think everynight is not a realistic goal. I say talk to your husband and find out what you can do to help the situation, or if you haven't already start coming on to him and don't wait for him to start things.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Ladies I have news for you. All the babble about men 'peaking at "19 or 20" doesn't mean they turn in to old farts that can't get it up. My husband is well over 50. He is 7 years older than I am. Any given day, or time I let him know I want him he is THERE. Your body will change with time, but your brain remains the sexiest part of you forever. Let him know you find him sexy and attractive, Let him know you love him and not that you're just a horn-dog. Make the first move, be romantic. Even men with waning testosterone levels are fully capable of maintaing an erection and climax. Have you tried early in the monring?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • I'm with the previous anon - my husband is 40 and will have sex with me 3 times/day if I let him. But, my ex is much older than me (13 years) and he and I used to be out of sync concerning sex a lot.

    Answer by missanc at 12:49 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • My man is 54 and we do it on average 2 times a week. His past 25 year marriage was almost sexless at once a month. I do believe he is trying to approach our marriage differently and not letting the sex life wane (his ex was also on anti-depressants and had a hard time enjoying it).

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • I'm 21, and my husband is 29. I'm jealous of some of you women, bc I barely get it once a month. I've tried everything I can think of, but nope! He brushes me off, and will ignore me.. Nice Huh.. Great self esteem booster... OP i'm sorry your having this problem. Obviously I can't give you advice.. just wanted to let you know your not alone..

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Stress and worry can effect the sex drive too. Is there alot of issues he might be dealing with inside?

    Answer by lbranta at 2:10 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

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