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I am the StepMom who thinks taking away Homecoming is unfair...

Well this is kind of a update of sorts. I am the one that posted about my dh telling my sd she wasn't allowed to go to her homecoming dance because of bad behavior.

Well I got a earful from everyone yesterday and have come to think of it a lot and suppose everyone is right about it. Sd is still pouting and slamming things around here today, but I do want to talk to her and somehow explain to her why I am changing my position and siding with her dad now, whereas before I wasn't.

So basically anyone have any advice on what I can say to her or talk to her about? I am really clueless on dealing with teens at this point and could use some insight.
Should I talk to her or just let it be?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Sep. 24, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • How great that you were open to every one's thoughts!! I wouldn't make it a huge issue. I would just explain that you and her father have certain expectations for her. Those include...whatever you both have decided..ie: b average in school, good attitude and home and school, NOT sneaking out (however I would think that goes without saying) etc. That anything other than eating, breathing and sleeping is a privilege and not a right. With responsibility comes more privilege(s). Follow it up with how much you both lover her.

    mamakirs

    Answer by mamakirs at 2:31 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • No bc i still think dad was wrong by not letting her know what was at stake. He could have gotten her attention by other means (grounding her from something else). She's going to hate him for this and that will take a long time to get over. She'll never forget it so the lesson he wants to teach her may never be totally understood. Her contempt for him will outweigh his lesson. I'm glad my dad was clear about what would happen (or could happen) if I screwed up.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:21 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • welcome to our stubborness! lol i am 19 myself. i was never a problem child honestly. but when i was about 12-13 i thought i was always right, parents just want to make life hard on you. i grew up. i have no idea how old ur SD is. but im sure she is in that stage. she prob wants to always get what she wants, that doesnt mean she has to be spoiled. it just a teenage thing. sit her down, and the words( we just want the best for you) goes one ear and out the other with youngens..sit her down and tell her u were siding with her at first, but when u continued to see her bad behavior u understand why her father is displining you. he is taking something away that he knows is important to her, so he hoping that she would straighten her act up. and she is proving him right that she is being bratty. i would talk to dad and and her and say if she helps around the house and straightens up she can go. only if she keeps her good attitude.
    SweetiePieAfWf

    Answer by SweetiePieAfWf at 2:21 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Well I think homecoming is a once in a lifetime thing that is really important to teenage girls so I hope she did something pretty bad. I'm sure you could think of another punushment otherwise. But if the punishment does fit the crime then just tell her that. However I really think parents should figure out what they are gonna do together not have one siding with the child against the other. It is underminding to him I think. Sorry but that's just what I believe. Good luck though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • No bc i still think dad was wrong by not letting her know what was at stake. He could have gotten her attention by other means (grounding her from something else). She's going to hate him for this and that will take a long time to get over. She'll never forget it so the lesson he wants to teach her may never be totally understood. Her contempt for him will outweigh his lesson. I'm glad my dad was clear about what would happen (or could happen) if I screwed up.




    This doesn't really make any sense to me,she should know that sneaking out at night is wrong.Noone should have to lay out the rules to her about what's gonna happen if she messes up,she should know.Mom,all I can say is maybe try to sit hewr down & explain to her what she did was wrong,maybe make it a girl's night,go out to eat or rent some movies.
    cutebaby06

    Answer by cutebaby06 at 2:33 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • Ignore the first poster. She makes no sense what so ever. I am quite sure your SD knew what she was doing was wrong at her age and didn't need to be coddled.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • First of all, Congrats to you for thinking about the responses you got yesterday. I know that could not have been easy, and I also know it is probably very hard to see your SD this upset. I'm not sure what you should say to her, but maybe just let her know you have thought about it and realize her dad is doing this because he loves her and because it is his job to make sure she grows up to be the best person she can be. You can tell her you initially thought it was overboard because you wanted her to be happy, and you stil do, but now you realize that learning this lesson now could actually save her some haertache down the road. Whatever you say, think about it before you do it and don't let her pull you into an arguement - if she does try to argue/convince you tell her that you love her too much to argue. It's also ok to show that you empathize with her - tell her it is sad that she is missing Homecoming. It will be ok.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • I would sit her down and tell her that you have been thinking about it a lot and that maybe it would be a good idea for her to miss this dance. Tell her that you are disappointed to, that you were looking forward to doing all of those fun things like nails and hair with her. you are allowed to be disappointed to. Tell her that even though you are sad you will be missing that stuff and that you were angry about it at first that you have calmed down and think that it was in fact the right decision. Remind her that there will be other dances and if she would like to attend them then you suggest she get her act together. Tell her you would be more than happy to help her with her school work. ~ She will get mad and probably tell you that you have been brainwashed by Dad or something along those lines but assure her that is not true. RE explain that you were angry you were going to miss that time with her and forgot for
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • a moment that that it was your job to help guide her in the way she should go. Everyone makes mistakes when they are angry. You are not perfect. :0) No one is. Perhaps you could her that if she does improve a great deal by _____. You would love to take her out to do a kind of spa day. nails hair lunch shopping.... That maybe should wait until she calms down though. :0)
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 3:01 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

  • unless she was on the homecoming court (i didnt read the post from yesterday) then i dont think its unfair. not like its prom!
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 3:21 PM on Sep. 24, 2009