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For Birthmom's, when deciding to place your child up for adoption was the reasoning because you were looking for compensation from the PAP's?

I see it all the time... that is... people assuming that we, birthmoms, chose adoption so that we can get a fat check in the mail. Or, other ridiculous, hurtful comments about the subject.

I, for one, didn't get a dime, or asked for that matter. I applied for Medicaid for my pregnancy and used it as a secondary insurance (I had my own medical insurance).

I took care of myself.

I don't believe in the pap's compensating the expent mother. I completely disagree. There are financial assitance if it's needed. The only thing the adoptive parents should be responsible for paying is for the infant(s) stay at the hospital and so on.

I know I can speak for most birthmother's here... we LOVE our children more than anything in this world... and the optioni of recieving money had NOTHING to do with our reasoning for placing our children up for adoption.

Answer Question
 
rainfalls

Asked by rainfalls at 12:29 AM on Sep. 25, 2009 in Adoption

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • I wasnt aware until it was offered to me that I could get living expenses. I declined. I too was on medicaid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • A girl I knew didn't even know it was expected. She picked the family out of a book of files, did the paperwork so the child could contact her at 18 if they wanted. Had the mother in the room for the birth, everything went as expected. As she was leaving the hospital the nurse gave her a card, it was a thank you note with a cashiers check for 20k for college. (She was going to college at the time, had the student loans and such set up, had just taken a semester off for the baby). She was FLOORED and had no idea what to do. She did end up using the money for college though. I thought it was just something nice they did, didn't know till later that its expected, still think its a bit odd though.
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 12:49 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Did you friend know its not legal to take that money?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • I didn't know people even did that. I do know a girl though that gave her baby up for adoption and the couple bought her a car. I guess that's the same thing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Not a dime .I would have been there anyway but other emothers there told me they were 'requested' by the agency to live on the grounds.We were charged to live there.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 1:03 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Was told not to worry about medicaid....but I got on anyway. I would sooner the taxpayers pay for my daughter then her prospective parents. Last thing I was going to deal with was everyone putting me on a guilt trip if I decided to not go thru with the adoption...(wishing like hell I listened to that inner voice that said Don't do it)


    Was offered a month and a half salary since her birth was C section and I had to take 6 weeks off. Refused it. I told the couple that it was no different than buying my daughter. I worked up until the day I had her....I didn't have nearly that much saved up, but it was enough to cover everything during my "medical leave".

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • My answer is HELL NO! My expenses where quite high. I had no medical insurance, and as an illegal alien I was not entitled to anything. However when it came to my expenses, my SW told me that I was being "more than fair". Some people who I knew at the time told me that I could ask for a lot money. I asked for the bare minimum to survive, because I felt that extorting money from my sons adoptive parents meant that I would be extorting money from him.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:33 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • My reasoning for placing my child up for adoption was NOT financial although I did choose to accept the financial help during my pregnancy. Since it is illegal to exchange money hand-to-hand, the AP's paid a few of my bills for me. Yes, there is help available if you qualify for it. But if you are a working woman, you dont qualify for ANYTHING (not even WIC) So I didnt have that option. The AP's paid a few bills and sent me a Safeway gift card every month. I did not have any insurance related expenses so they didnt have to help there.

    But financial assistance was NOT my motivation AT ALL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Rain,
    I sure as heck hope you didnt ask for money from your OWN parents when you ASKED them to adopt and raise your baby.

    To the poster who "knows a girl"....How come everyone "knows a girl"...This site is worse than the urban legends group. This is 100% illegal in every state, this did not happen..

    Finally, I don't think it is common for women to get pregnant simply to place their child and get money. There are situations though where you have to wonder if the financial comp to place helped make the decision between abortion and carrying. Some bmoms place 3-4 times.

    There are those who have a very serious financial need and the safety of the baby (no heat, no water, no phone if suddenly in labor) and need the assistance. Anything and everything you pay for is based on a receipt that is provided to the courts. They are the ones who I think get lumped in with the rest which is a shame.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Anon... for your info... I asked my parents to adopt a month before I gave birth..

    So.. really I was taking care of myself, my baby, and getting ready to be a mother.

    Why did I ask them?

    Well I didn't want to place my child up for adoption for my own selfish reasons, but I wanted him to have a father, and my step-dad is a damn good one.. I wanted him to have stability and consistency. AND, I knew I would die if I were to give him to a couple I didn't know.. I wouldn't of been able to handle not knowing everyday how he is.

    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 2:42 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

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