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MIL Help

ok so my mil called DH today and was talking to her about how I told dd's doctor that DH doesn't do as much as I would like him to (she was at the appt) and she told DH that it really upset her that I told the Dr. that because she felt I made him out to look bad. so DH tells me this and I freak out on him. I told him that I told the Dr. the truth that he is a dad when he feels like it and that I am having a VERY hard time controlling dds behavior (she’s 3 BTW) and we got in a HUGE fight and then he tells me that his mom told him not to tell me what she said so I am not allowed to talk to his mom about this and we are going to her house for dinner tomorrow ....If this happened to you what would you do? (BTW this is a REALLY long story so if you need more info just tell me!)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:53 AM on Sep. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Why would that information about your husband not being helpful with you daughter be relevant at one of your DD's doctor appointments?

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 5:11 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • soonmommyof3 - It would be completely relevant if she were discussing discipline problems.

    I would stop taking my MIL with me to dr appts or if she's your ride I would leave her in the waiting room. You should leave what she said to your husband alone, it is his mother and even if it's true she's not going to want to believe that about her son.
    prdill08

    Answer by prdill08 at 6:32 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • prdill08- I'm sure it would be if it was a behavioral doctor she went to, but the OP didn't state that.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 6:45 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • i'm not a big fan of in-laws. Prob cuz i got a lot of idiots for mine.You really shouldnt confide in her or let her hear anything your talking about that you wouldnt want the whole family knowing cuz she sounds shady.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:33 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • this is true I agree with prdill08 leave your mil out in the waiting room next time. No mother really wants to hear how bad of a dad her son makes..plus the problems are with you and daughter and husband. not your mother in law. so its really none of her concern. and as for dinner when you go over tommorow don't mention it just talk about other stuff. as if you know nothing. and if she brings it up. just tell her what you told us. that you didn't mean to make your husbad sound bad. you just need him to help you more with his daughter. not just only when he feels like it.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:20 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • soonmommyof3 - People discuss discipline issues with their children's pediatricians and it would make sense to mention she's on her own with the issues because her husband doesn't help.

    prdill08

    Answer by prdill08 at 9:37 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • I learned early on not to tell my MIL things about my DH or anyone that I didn't want to get back to them. She caused our first big fight as a married couple by telling him something I had told her. Actually she twisted it around and made it sound a lot worse than it really was. In your case, I would stop letting her come to doctor's appointments. I can see that you wanted the doctor's advice and you felt like telling him/her the whole story would help and I feel like you were right. The problem is your husband's mommy was there listening and decided to butt in and make trouble. Instead of trying to help if she felt the need to intrude so much, she basically told on you. It makes her so angry to hear her son is not much of a dad. I'd let that be her problem and not let her in on any more personal business. Good luck. I know what a mess this kind of situation is.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:40 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • OP here- first of all my dd's doctor and i were talking about her behavior and she asked me questons and so i told the dr the truth! that dh is only a dad when he feels like it and i am a SAHM so it is ALL on me 24/7 and i am getting frustrated and need help. so none of you think that i should talk to mil about this now? just don't let her in next time?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • I think you should drop it. I completely understand why you would be angry, but it's not going to help anything if you mention it to her. Just extra drama and who needs that?! You can still let her in, but don't be surprised if she tells your husband everything you say. I personally would not allow her in the room. Why does she go with you?
    I understand the pressure you're under as a SAHM. I've been at home with my children for the last 11 years. My ex-husband chose to move a few states away when he abandoned his family, so everything is on me. If anything goes wrong it's my fault because I'm the one here raising them. Thankfully I met and married a wonderful man that I married who helps out as much as he can. Have you tried talking to your husband again about what you said. Deep down he has to know it's true. I hope things get better for you.
    Add me as a friend if you would like. : ) You can always vent at me. lo
    prdill08

    Answer by prdill08 at 4:22 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • You can talk to her and I can almost certainly say she will either act like she never talked to him at all or she will smile to your face and say it's all okay then stab you in the back again. Trust me. It sounds like she doesn't mind at all making trouble for you and your marriage. Don't give her any ammunition. That said, I am a SAHM too and understand quite a bit of your feelings. Feel free to PM me if you want. I have dealt with a lot of this issue.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:41 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

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