Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

To the submissive wives: How do you submit to an immature husband?

My DH is 2 years older than me but being the youngest of 8 and the only boy, he was so spoilt by his family...beyond belief. He is 30 and acts like a 16 year old boy. When we first got together, I didnt think too much about it, in fact, I naturally fell into the motherly, nurturing role and took great care of him. Now that we are married (only a year) and having problems in our marriage, I am having a difficult time submitting to him. I have had to assume the role of decision making, buying our home (he had bad credit) so the house and cars are in my name only. I make more than him (about 4 times what he brings home). I have a PhD plus years of experience but he never went to college and has only a few years experience and makes minimum wage.

How do we now change roles? How do I release the "power" to him now and assume the submissive role. How do I look up to him when he really is the one that looks up to me?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Sep. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • contd.

    How do I respect him and see him as a strong capable man when he cannot do anything for himself.?

    He lies like a little boy. He is such a compulsive liar! I cant even begin to describe how much he lies. I really want our marriage to work and I have been reading how most "submissive" wives have great marriages and I wanted to try that. But its really almost impossible for me to do that. I need advice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Uh yea, I couldn't be submissive even if I try. You married him like that, so you can either deal with it or leave. Or you could tell him that it's time for him to grow up and be a man, it CAN happen but dont' be surprised if it doesn't
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:31 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • If he's not willing to change, he's NOT going to change. You can/should ask him to work on making the marriage work but you can't expect him to change overnight or at all if he doesn't want to. I would not/could not be submissive to someone like that. You are responsible for your life being good and it doesn't sound like he is capable of making life good for you. I hate to say it but I would get out while you can.
    Rowdyblues

    Answer by Rowdyblues at 11:38 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • I read a book recently called Love and Respect by Eggerichs which was about submitting to your husband. The basis of the book is that generally speaking men crave respect more than anything (yes, even more than love), and women crave love more than anything. It's a really good book. I was a single mom for a few years, so by the time I got married again I was used to having all the power and decision making. We weren't having any problems in our marriage, but while reading the book I saw some things that I could do that would improve what is already great. I would recommend it if you are looking for info on submitting.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:12 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • As a submissive wife, all I can say is that I could not cope with a man who was unable to deal with responsibility. It seems to me that you have been forced into a dominant role yourself because of his inability to assume the dominant role in your marriage with all that it entails - nurturing, a deep respect for you and your emotional needs,, decision-making, and overall responsibility for the direction and maintenance of your marriage. From what you say, it sounds as if it will be difficult , if not impossible to reverse your roles and have him take charge..
    janet116

    Answer by janet116 at 7:47 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN