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i'm being told i'm too over protective of my kids!! am i?

my DS 15, and DD13 want a realationship with the bio father they haven't seen in 7-8 yrs. they have been spending time with him here and there for the past 2 months. i allowed my son to go spend the night there last night and cried the whole night. now my daughter wants to go stay the night tonight. that is killing me. i know they are older, and they have cell phones to call me if they need me. i'm just scared because he use to beat them. i don't think he would now, because they are older and he knows my son would beat his ass if he touched him or his sister, and he knows i would make him wish he was dead. am just not use to my kids being away from me. they don't go stay the night with friends so there always home. what should i do. my boyfriend who has been there dad for the past 6 yrs. say i need to respect the kids wishes, and i raised them to make good choices. what should i do?

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Asked by okc-mom-2 at 11:32 AM on Sep. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • I know it's hard but you need to let them go. They need to make their own decisions when it comes to their bio dad and not letting them have a relationship with him or letting them stay the night with him can end up causing resentment between you and your daughter.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 11:36 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • I know they are older, but I am sorry I would never in a million yrs let them be with him unsupervised if he has a history of abuse...that's just me.

    Answer by salexander at 11:38 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • I'm with the PP, you have to let go. And the sooner you do that, the better. They will be leaving home in just a few years.

    Let them make their own decisions.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 11:39 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Yea if my husband ever BEAT my children especially when they were younger, he would have been arrested for Childabuse and would have had his parental rights taken away

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:41 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • It's time to let them have a relationship with their father, let them know you will be there and support them no matter what. Hopefully the dad is serious and isn't fooling around, this is a transition and it hurts but they are growing up and as long as their father does right by them then I'd try to be happy for them.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 11:42 AM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • It's time to let go a bit if it's their wish. They have to learn for themselves that dad is a jerk. If you don't allow them to try to get to know him they will resent you and blame you for them not being close to him. This way he can be blamed for his own screw ups and it makes you look good!

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:59 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • If he has a history of abuse I would not let him see the kids unsupervised.

    Answer by OneToughMami at 1:12 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • No, you're not over protective. You're just plain old protective and that's a good thing. This is a person who has a history of causing harm, it's not like you have unwarranted fears here.

    If they want to have a relationship with him, then I think it is good of you to allow it. I would insist that if your daughter wants to spend the night there, your son should be there too. So that there is someone to look out for her - just in case. I wouldn't let them go alone.

    Answer by beckcorc at 2:23 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • Personally, with his history, I don't care how old my kids are, unless they were 18 and I couldn't stop them. They would not be going there unsupervised. That's just me though, so to answer your question, no I do not feel you are being over protective at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

  • well my DD has left to go stay the night with her father, my DS is also there. i hope and pray i have done the right thing. i know i have raised them to make the right choises in life. i'm just soooo worried. i have my cell and my house phone right next to me just in case they call. pray for me please!

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 6:08 PM on Sep. 25, 2009

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